On December 8, 2011, Drew performed in an improv show. The next morning, she awoke to a random Facebook friend request. The requestor, Ramon, had been tagged at the improv theater the night before (and he was hot), so Drew accepted the request.

Drew

Late night, huh? To think I was proud of 11:30... Damn.

Ramon

Yup. That’s how I roll.

FYI - thought you were great last night; you had me and my friend cracking up more than the drunk, crazy lady in the audience.

Drew

1) I have to say that I loved your semicolon usage; they are so great.

2) Thank you! I had a blast last night.

3) Is it happy hour?

Ramon

1) I love lists. They help emphasize and organize important (and sometimes not so important points).

2) I appreciate anyone who can appreciate punctuation (especially semicolon usage).

3) I really enjoy using parenthesis (they allow me to add a little more of what I’m thinking to each sentence; as if I’m narrating my own statements).

Now that was a damn good list. I’m very impressed with myself.

Drew

I liked what you did there. I found it to be: 

1) Amusing,

2) Informative, and

3) Organized.

You should be really proud of yourself. FOR REAL!

I hope you get into something STUPID fun this weekend. I’m performing at 10:30 tonight.

Ramon

Good luck. As one of my clients once said to me right before we started a trial, “Go break your leg in half.” 

I don’t have the brightest clients.

Drew

I really hope you’re an attorney.

Ramon

I am and unfortunately I’m sitting in my office on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. Is this what you meant by STUPID fun? I impress myself by making a cool list on Facebook and then disappoint myself by being lame on a Sunday. I need to do something cool again ASAP...

Drew

Ah! An attorney. That means I must have a love-hate relationship with you.

So far my Sunday has consisted of going to my brother's engagement brunch, picking up my bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding and contemplating why the hell everyone feels like getting married.

Yeah, working on a Sunday cancels out the coolness of the list. I feel like I don't even know you anymore...

Ramon

It's a real shame that you appear to be ending our friendship. I'm proud to say I have a lot of fond memories of you. Remember that time you thought it was cool that I used a semicolon? Or that time you asked me if I was an attorney because you thought I might be a convicted felon? My favorite was the time that I impressed you with a cool list; that was awesome!

It just so happens to be that I share your feelings on marriage; we should start a club. I'm not opposed to marriage but I don't really see much of a benefit to it either (besides sharing medical/dental insurance). It will happen someday but I'm definitely not in a hurry. In high school I made a bet with three friends. The last one to get married would win the bet. I think it's safe to say I won.

I enjoy getting messages from you. You're very entertaining. You should look into using that somehow...

Drew

I feel that my threat to end our friendship was a bit premature. That jaunt down memory lane was a very emotion-laden one. I feel like we have both invested a great deal of time and effort into making this relationship work, and I really cherish that. Please forgive me.

Just so you know -- I can't believe I never told you this in all this time -- I was curious about the attorney thing because I work at a law firm. There is so much we have yet to explore!

Congratulations on winning your high school bet! I always told my friends I would never get married, but I guess that's the downside of being habitually right.

Well, My Pen Pal Ramon, I am going to get my haircut. I will likely get more than one hair cut, but I haven't yet decided. I just wanted to be very transparent with you in that I will not have the same length hair as you delicately craft your response to this message.

Ramon

Transparency is very important in relationships. I don't know why I think that other than it feels like the appropriate thing to say since you were so incredibly honest about your haircut (or haircuts).

How long have you worked at a law firm and what do you do there? I have my own practice out in Lawrenceville. I just do criminal defense. If you want to stop speaking to me now (after calling me a derogatory name) I would understand. I love what I do. I won't go into why right now because I can go on for hours about how lucky I am.

I enjoy your sense of humor. I really did mean it when I said you are very entertaining. I'm glad our friendship has survived our awful fight.

I'm now going to enjoy my Frosty. It's very unhealthy but I don't care right now. Frosty + Sunday Night Football = a good way to end the night.

Talk to you later.

Drew

While we're talking transparently, I am dying to know if your name is pronounced in a way that rhymes with Cayman (as in the islands) or Timon (from the "and Pumba" pair). Please advise at your earliest convenience. 

I've only been at the damn (you like that?) law firm since August. I'm in marketing/biz dev and am aligned with a practice that has 300 attorneys. I pretty much prepare proposals/presentations, respond to RFPs, write shit, etc. I've enjoyed it for the most part, but the last two weeks have been absurdly stressful. And that's why I'm going to leave around lunchtime today.

I'm about to be serious, okay? I am really interested in hearing why you love what you do. Not in a judgmental way, but in a very intrigued way. Those are my favorite types of topics to discuss. 

I find you to be quite entertaining yourself, and I, too, am very relieved that you were able to find it in your heart to forgive a pen pal with whom you've shared a piece of your soul. 

Man, I want a Frosty! I haven't had one of those in way too long. If I'm remembering this correctly and you had on a maroon-ish top and jeans (creepy?), I don't think a Frosty is going to hurt anything. :) Yeah, Dez Bryant and Jason Pierre-Paul helped solidify my first place regular season Fantasy Football finish. Damn, say that five times fast.

Ramon

I'm pretty sure the guy who was wearing a maroon-ish top and jeans would be flattered and not creeped out. I, however, am disappointed that you apparently think you are speaking to someone other than me. It may be wise at this point for you to venture onto my Facebook page and look at a couple of pictures. It's okay, it isn't stalking if I give you permission. 

My name is pronounced the same way as the character from Lion King (I think. I don't really remember the characters name because it has been awhile since I've seen the movie. Actually I'm not even sure if you are referring to Lion King). There is also a character on the movie Cars that has the same name as me. Oh, and a punk rock band.

I love my job for a LOT of reasons and I am very interested in telling you those reasons but I am swamped at work right now (being constantly busy is not necessarily one of the reasons I love my job) so I'm not going to go into it. It would probably be best if we discussed this topic in person. What do you say? I've gotten a real kick out of talking to you on Facebook. If it will help you say yes, picture me as the dude you remember from Improv then feel free to use your imagination. 

We can get Frostys if you like...or beers.

Drew 

If you're anyone other than Maroon Guy, I'd advise you put that Frosty down. Before I dig this hole any deeper, did we actually speak? I re-consulted your pictures, and I swear I know what I'm doing here. I might have the maroon color wrong, and I won't say anything else for fear of looking like I treat men like objects. 

I feel pretty confident that I am pronouncing your name correctly in my head. (Self-narration: That actually sounds really psychotic.)

The reasons-you-love-your-job conversation sounds like it would be well-suited for a face-to-face encounter (I'm hyphenating a lot.). These next few weeknights are STUPID busy for me, but I would be delighted to meet you/you-transformed-into-Maroon-Guy. You name the time and place, and then I'll make a counteroffer if it doesn't work. I am opting for the alcohol route to enhance my Maroon Goggles.

:) 

P.S. Can I just tell you how glad I am that you didn't put an apostrophe in Frostys?

Ramon 

I have a lot of concerns about this. 

1. I think you are confusing me with another person. This is something I would usually use to my advantage but since you will actually be able to see me when we meet I may not be able to spin this. 

2. Sorta think you are just intrigued by my punctuation. 

3. I am leaving for Puerto Rico on Thursday so I wont be able to see you 'til the 21st or later. I dont know if my punctuation can continue to impress you; I'm bound to start making mistakes.

Drew 

Whew... I know you're getting serious when you bust out a list. It’s about to get real. 

1. Why did you ignore my question about speaking? This would address any doubts. Or is that why you ignored it? 

2. I am not writing my points as responses to your points. I am confident that Maroon Guy has nothing on you. And, if you are indeed him, you should feel honored to know that you are so awesome that you are in competition with yourself.

3. Grammar and punctuation are pretty important to me. However, if I was only using you for your punctuation, I would have dismissed you for your improper semicolon usage on Saturday's first message. (Yeah, go look for it.) 

4. The 21st is damn far away.

Ramon 

My god you are hilarious. I laughed out loud when I read your message. Very, very, very nice list. It's difficult to follow such a great list with my own list. You obviously know what you are doing and know a lot more about lists than you originally let on. 

I did not mean to ignore your question. I don't think our interaction last Thursday qualified as speaking to each other. You came up into the audience and shook my hand. I was sitting in a row with three or four women and I was the only dude. Jeans, light blue shirt, black coat. I was sitting on a sofa that was reserved for my friend and I. When you shook my hand I may have said hello or hi or howdy or something similar. More than likely, however, I probably just nodded my head.

I did look back (I would not have but you suggested that I do it) and I respectfully disagree with you about my semicolon usage. I may have underestimated your ability to make cool lists but I apparently overestimated your knowledge of my dear friend the semicolon. You are wrong and I am right. Don't take it personal; even the great ones make mistakes.

On a serious note, I am disappointed that I may not be able to see you until next week but I will be leaving on the 15th and returning late on the 19th. If you can swing hanging out on the 20th I would like to get together. I promise that I will continue to send you clever messages so that you remain intrigued by me. If you happen to meet the guy in the maroon shirt this week during improv I encourage you to talk to him; I'm not the jealous type.

My official proposal: 

1. This Wednesday (the 14th) anytime after 6 pm at either - a) a location in Virginia Highlands b) a location in Brookhaven or c) a location of your choosing. I have no idea where you live so I don't want you to have too travel far. 

2. Tuesday (the 20th) with the same location choices. Now that I think about it, I really like Brickstore in Decatur. If you want to do Brickstore I won't make you pay for the drinks. Bonus.

These messages are getting longer and longer...

Drew 

Okay. So, because I'm riled up about the semicolon, I must address that first. It will take a lot to convince me that "as if I'm narrating my own statements" is a complete sentence. That being said, I respectfully disagree with you. If, by some messed up series of events, you end up being right, I will then call you out on saying "parenthesis" when I think you meant "parentheses." I'm going to save that one for later, though.

I remember you, actually, because I was thinking you must feel like a pimp surrounded by ladies. You were on a couch on the left when looking out from the stage. Right after I shook your hand, I went backstage and was like, "Did y'all see that baller in the light blue shirt? I'm going to call him Maroon Guy from this point forward." The rest is history....

As heartbreaking as it is, I have to choose option 2. I'm going to be in New York on Wednesday. Any of those locations/areas would be fine by me. 

What takes you to Puerto Rico? A plane? HAAAAA! No, but really. Fun? Damn, I wish it was summer. 

I don't mean to brag, but I have been on my couch in pajamas for the past two hours.

Ramon 

We both know that I am awesome with punctuation but you are definitely the awesomenest (that's right, I'm trying to pull that off as a word). I don't feel it's right for you to be picking on me right (I left out the word 'now' just because I know it will bug you) seeing that I am sitting at work and you are in your pjs on the couch. Regardless, I think it was a very low blow to bring up my spelling error. Turns out I actually mispelled the word on purpose to see if you would notice. That's how I roll.

Do you really remember shaking my hand? I sincerely want to know. All of those women were my girlfriends. 

I'm taking my parents and sister to Puerto Rico. My dad has never been back since he left as a teenager. My parents both did a lot for my sister and I when we were growing up so I always told myself when I had the opportunity to take my dad back to puerto rico and my mom back to Korea I would do it. Korea next fall baby!! 

I should get back to work. I enjoy getting your messages. I don't want to alarm you but I think very highly of you; so much so that you can only go down from here.

Forgot to ask, why you going to New York? Fun or work?

Drew 

Ah, you crack me up. 

That was very clever, Ramon. There were so many errors in that message that I don't even know what to do anymore. Just note that all of your errors are noted. 

So, Thursday... (I don't perform on Thursdays, by the way, but it was a friend's corporate holiday party.) Let me set this up for you. I was actually tipsy at the time. I had come straight from a party at work where: a) I had just been on a winning dance team for a "Wobble" contest, and b) I had coerced this operations guy to participate in the soul train with me.

I sincerely remember shaking hands with you. My thought pattern went a little like this: 'Hey, look at that guy. Damn, one of these is the girlfriend. Moving right along. Where are my parents?' I'm just relieved that, regardless of which girl I picked, I was right. Those girls are sooooo lucky. I would give anything to be one of them...maybe even two of them. 

I am jealous of your trip for sure. I'd rather be at work right now/ in Puerto Rico for the weekend than in PJs right now.

I don't want to get you frazzled, but you've set the bar pretty low. You are really set up to succeed right now. I'm just kidding. I would have ghosted you by now if I wasn't loving this. 

New York is for work. I'm only going for the day. I've never been to New York, believe it or not. I'm also scared of planes, so it's going to be quite the adventure! 

It's been a pleasure, as always.

Ramon 

I've really enjoyed talking to you the past couple of days. You're witty, charming, and sincere. I find myself checking Facebook a lot hoping you've sent me a message. I'm actually a little disappointed I'm leaving for Puerto Rico because it means I won't see you until next week.

Drew 

The feeling is mutual, Pen Pal. Despite giving you a hard time, I am looking forward to option 2. I'm trying to be patient, but it's definitely not one of my strengths.

Drew

Whenever you get a chance, I have a few questions I need answered:

1) How do you feel about hot sauce?

2) If you could hear any song right before you got out of your car, what would it be (today)?

3) Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs?

I appreciate your cooperation.

Ramon

If I didn't get such a fuzzy feeling from your messages I would not be responding right now; today has been an extremely hectic day (what's messed up is I think I actually like all the chaos. Does that say anything about me?)

So here goes....

1. Overall I really enjoy hot sauce and spicy foods. Let's put it this way - if there was no longer hot sauce in this world I would be disappointed.

My mom is Korean and I grew up on spicy foods. My favorite type of food is Indian food and a lot of it is spicy. My question for you - Do you like Indian food? If not, can you learn to like it or are you refusing to try?

2. The song I would select today would be No Surprises by Radiohead. Love that song. A close 2nd would be Two Step by Dave Matthews; specifically his live version from 1996 at Red Rocks. Great song. First Dave song I fell in love with. It made me a huge fan.

(Completely random fact about me - I am 32 years old. I have no idea how old you are and I am not asking but I'm sure you were wondering about me. If I had to guess how old you are - with a real guess and not a 'I'm going to guess lower than I really think in an attempt to flatter you' - I would guess 25 or 26. If you are younger than that then I apologize sincerely and I change my answer to 21.)

If you are not a Radiohead fan or Dave fan then I can forgive you as long as you don't hate it. If you hate it then I guess I could probably forgive you still if you are willing to change all of your likes and dislikes to fit what I enjoy and dislike. I may or may not be serious right now.

3. I have taken the Myers-Briggs but I don't remember the results or remember what the exam is about. I think I took it in law school. I'm pretty sure the result said I'm a genius.

I know you dislike planes but are you opposed to traveling? Did you grow up in Georgia?

Additional questions I just thought of:

1. Are you involved with improv because you want to be an actress?

2. Reality tv...yah or nay?

3. Choose one: beer, wine, or cocktail.

Drew

So, first and foremost, I'm glad you took a break from the chaos to respond. I'm really important, and I can see that you acknowledge that. I, too, thrive in chaotic situations, so I think that says we're both sick people.

I put hot sauce on everything, so I'm relieved to hear that you're not one of those people who "doesn't do spicy." As for the Indian food ... (dramatic pause) ... I can tell you this: I've had it twice before and didn't have strong feelings about it either way. My favorite item was an obnoxiously bright red. I defer to you on what that was. Anyway, if you charmed me into going to an Indian restaurant and ordered my food for me, I would act pleasant for the duration of the meal. I would even go a second time.

At first I thought I hadn't heard either of your songs before, but I have heard "No Surprises." "Two Step" really doesn't sound familiar to me. No offense, but I talk crap about Dave Mathews for the most part. I don't think I've ever said a bad word about Radiohead, though. I actually have one of their CDs (yeah, CD) at work for times when I want to sulk and be emo. I'm much more open to Radiohead than I am Dave. That being said, I just ordered every album either has made and I'm conforming to be whoever you want me to be. Oh damn, I think the doorbell just rang; it must be the Indian food delivery guy.

I'll go ahead and say that you're right on the money about me being 25. I honestly would have guessed that you're 32 because that's kind of my number. The only difference now is that it's not illegal for you to be buying me alcohol. Anyway, that point aside, one of my original questions in the last email was going to be about your birthday, but I didn't want you to think I was asking for the year. So, when is your birthday? And I think it's really great that you answered without me even having to ask; this is getting really cute.

I have to tell you that your Myers-Briggs line made me chuckle on MARTA. For real. It's about personality and we just took it at work. The results said that I had the best personality ever, so that was promising. While we're talking about exams (no, not like that), I feel like I should tell you that every career test I ever took said I should be a lawyer.

Nah, I'm not opposed to traveling, and I'm really not THAT opposed to planes. I just don't fly on them enough to be calm at any point during take-off or landing (or most of the time in between).

Nah, I don't want to be an actress. I really just stumbled into improv.

I really don't watch much TV, honestly. I'd rather be around people. I will confess, though, that I love the Bachelor/Bachelorette and it makes me cry almost every episode. Consider me weak, and I'll defend myself in person.

Finally, I am liquor all the way. Then I'd probably go wine. Then beer. I pretty much make my decisions based on alcohol content. Judge your heart it!

And by "it," I of course meant "out."

Look at how you have me mesmerized!

Now, to follow-up on the 432 consecutive messages I just sent, I want to reiterate that Tuesday, December 20 is pretty far away.

Ramon

I am attempting to write standing in a corner of the airport, standing and waiting for my parents. Chivalry is apparently dead because there are a couple of old ladies sitting here and they haven't offered me their seat.

First off, I originally wanted to start off by saying you are dead to me because of your comments about Dave and Radiohead but these old chicks sitting down next to where I am standing have diverted my anger. Congratulations. I hate to ask because I'm afraid of the answer but what type of music you like? I noticed you didn't answer my question about your last concert so I will assume you are ashamed to tell me.

Drew

When did you ask me about a concert? I think you have me confused with another pen pal.

If I were one of those ladies and knew the hateful, jerk-like things you were typing to a sweet, amazing young woman [me] on Facebook, I wouldn't let you sit down, either. And I will either thank them or kick their geriatric butts later for diverting your anger so as to perpetuate this.

In other related news, we will discuss the music question when you have calmed down.

Finally, I would like you to know that I have been in bed SICK since I left work early SICK, so I hope you feel bad for pouring salt in an open wound.

Love and apostrophe-less Frostys,

Drew

P.S. Thank you for making me smile when you aren't being annoying.

P.P.S. This tension is getting to be too much.

Ramon

Close your eyes for a second and imagine a really long, entertaining message from me. Imagine that it was funny (hysterically funny) and that you were extremely impressed. Imagine you said to yourself "that dude is awesome".

Well that was the type of message I sent you an hour ago from the airport that apparently disappeared into cyberspace. Damn.

I'm about to have dinner with the parents. Afterwards I'm going to try and duplicate the message as if I am back at the airport. All I can say is...you're in for a real treat.

Drew

Hmm.. Now I'm all sorts of confused, but I don't think I got the mystery message... at least I never remember feeling extremely impressed. So, take that for what it's worth.

Please go eat dinner with your parents and reflect on how you're going to recreate the fond thoughts I had before you declared that I was dead to you.

I think this fight has surpassed Sunday's fight. I sure hope we make it through this next week.

Last but not least, I don't want to be in a fight anymore.

Ramon

The message I sent you about the geriatrics was the 'impressive' one. Apparently it was so awesome you are flabbergasted.

My iPad is not showing the messages after I send them to you; leaving me in a state of confusion and stress. I love technology.

You are not dead to me. Don't worry, I think you are cool. I'm not being sarcastic at all. Not at all.

I asked you, or perhaps another chick of mine, about the concert. I'm pretty sure it's you but I am talking to soooo many girls online I can't keep track. You saw me at improv, all those chicks were girls I met for a first date...all at once.

Now back to reality -

1) Are you political? If so, conservative or liberal?

2) Is there anything about a guy that you consider a deal breaker?

3) Do you work out? If so, where?

4) Pets? Cat person or dog person?

*bonus thought - I bet there is no way you are thinking of my voice the way I actually sound.

I want answers damn it!!!!!!!

Drew

Mornin'!

There is no possible way you think a semicolon was appropriate there, but that is the only reference to punctuation or grammar that I'm going to make for the rest of this message.

It sounds like I am semi-alive to you, so I'll consider that progress. You are living a vivacious life to me.

I stand by my argument that there was no concert question. Wait, so you were on first dates with all of the girls at improv? And they're now your girlfriends? AHHHHHH! I'll go ahead and send a FB relationship request to you, and you can accept it whenever feels appropriate on Tuesday.

I'm going to answer your questions in the following order: 1, 3, 4, 2.

1) No, I'm really not political, but I would say that I'm socially liberal and financially conservative. I frankly don't care where you fall in that debate.

3) Mmm, working out. I would say that, at this current intersection in life, I work out less than ever before. On average in the past year, I'd say I run about 3 miles 3-4 times a week. I used to go to LA Fitness and take spin class every morning at 6, but now I work out at my complex. I also have a spin bike. I have also had a slipped disk in my back for the last few months and was told not to work out, but sometimes I ignore what Physical Therapist Peter says.

4) I am obsessed with dogs. I don't have one because I'm gone for extended periods of time, but I want one really badly. I have a new roommate (and good friend) arriving in January, and she really wants a dog, so I plan to encourage it with her as the official owner. I am taking a leap of faith here, but I generally think less of people when I know they have or like cats. I don't trust cats one bit. I actually almost have a fear of them. And my thoughts on dogs/cats is the perfect segue into 2.

2. Dealbreakers. I actually forgot all about this, but I made a list of qualifications back in the summer of 2008.

It was supposed to be a joke at the time, but I just re-read it and, although funny, it's accurate. Here is an excerpt, and I'm not even kidding with you:

12. Likes dogs

13. Does not like cats

Most of my preferences have to do with being manly. My true dealbreakers are currently being married or currently dealing drugs. I know it's pathetic that I even have to say that. Another dealbreaker, although not as clear-cut, is that I can't be dealing with people who are emotionally unavailable. I don't even know the best way to elaborate on that, but I don't like when people can't say or hear anything remotely vulnerable without shutting down.

I feel like that implies that I want to sit around and compliment each other all day and all night, but I just can't stand when people need to be tough 24/7. Now I sound like a big ol' hypocrite who wants someone manly and vulnerable, but whatever. Hopefully my explanations made sense.

I loved that bonus thought, but it has me all turned upside down. You are killing me. I can't imagine your voice for the life of me.

My bonus thought is that my phone number is *********. That is not an action item. Your whole "voice seduction" shtick made me realize that I am, in fact, eagerly awaiting to hear from a guy who I have only interacted with on Facebook. And one of his dates.

AIRPLANE.

Can I get some props for missing my flight?

Ramon

You get major props from me for missing your flight. You either (or perhaps both) 1. missed it partially because you were sending me a message and/or 2. after you missed your flight you were mentally stable enough to send me a message telling me you missed your flight (meaning you probably handle stress pretty well). You will need to handle stress well if you are going to be rolling around with me ;)

Side note - I have missed many flights in my day. One time I missed a flight after getting to the airport and checking my luggage 2 -3 hours prior to my flight leaving. Yup, that's right, I managed to miss a flight despite getting to the airport early as hell. It also turns out that flight was on Christmas Eve and I was on the way back to Michigan to visit my parents. My mom was pissed. She tried to ground me but the joke was on her because I am now an adult and live in Atlanta. Technically I am still grounded in Michigan when I go to visit.

I hope you were able to make other arrangements and that everything will work out. I'm sure it will; it always does. Stay positive.

You gave me your phone number? You want me to call you? I don't like that. I think the first time we should speak should be in person. To tell you the truth, I think the first thing we should do before even speaking is kiss. That would be fun and exciting. Was that too forward for you? Don't worry, I know we are just penpals. I actually like to kiss all people I initially meet. So far it hasn't gone over well but at least you have some notice that it might happen. Have you ever kissed someone on a motorscooter? Don't answer that; I don't want to know. (I love using semicolons even if you think it's being done incorrectly).

So right now I am really in an odd space. I just had a coffee with an extra shot of expresso so my mind is racing 100mph. I have a lot of things to get done today so I need to be speedy gonzalez. It probably isn't good to write you right now because I am writing before I think. If I say anything inappropriate then we will chalk it up to you being stressed and out of it because you missed your flight. Yes, we will blame it on you.

What do you mean by manly? I need to warn you, I don't know if I qualify as manly. A lot of my friends actually think I'm gay but I think that has more to do with some factors that I would rather address in person. (Wow, I'm sure you are really really curious) Here is an example: I don't discuss sex with my male friends. I think this bothers them because they will talk about sexual things about girlfriends, etc. and they will ask me about women that they know I've gone out with. Because I tell them I don't discuss those matters they act all weirded out by it. I have several more examples that I will give you in person after we kiss.

So as far as the kissing - that is a big deal to me (not necessarily kissing before we talk because I am joking about that, or am I?) but I think it's very important to have good chemistry during a kiss. If there isn't good chemistry then I guess the person I am kissing would need to be willing to put in a lot of practice with me.

Sorry I keep bringing up the kissing. I really don't care if we kiss (remember I'm on coffee).

If you are looking for the sensitve type then you are about to be happy with your new buddy Ramon. I am still curious what you mean by manly though. If I like to get mani/pedis would that be too girly for you? Why is being pampered not manly? If I love to go shopping and buy clothes would that not be manly? It's not like I wear a bra and go to gay bars. (I actually enjoy going to gay bars but I never wear a bra. I have some funny stories that you need to remind me to tell you).

I am a dog person and I have a dog that I love dearly. His name is Alfie and he is awesome. You passed that test although you may have cheated because you may have seen pictures of Alfie on Facebook. I will question you further about this in person so I can judge if you are being truthful.

Politicially I am pretty liberal, both socially and financially. I like to spend money because I work hard so I want to play hard (my GOD I am writing a long message!!! Coffee baby!!!). I have spent most of my free time and money on trips this year. I've been to Thailand, Maine, and some other cool places. I would love a traveling partner so if you know of someone give them my number.

As far as working out, I am in the worst shape of my life right now. I'm about 20 lbs heavier than I would like to be. The good news is I can get in shape quickly because of my metabolism but I appear to be using this as an excuse not to work out. Hmmmm, I should really look into this further.

I want you to drink a big ole coffee and then write me back!!

Ramon

Crap, it appears as if my previous message is filled with a bunch of sexual enduendos (I really misspelled that word, but I'm not going to apologize for it) but it was really not supposed to be that way. "Rolling around with me" just means hanging out or rolling in a car - that is it. The kissing thing may be a little over the top but I don't know how to undo that. Anyways, I'm not a perv.

Also, the message may indicate that I am unclear about my sexuality (shoot, I'm having a lot of regrets about that previous message) but I am very clear.

That is all.

Drew

I'm in New York. I leave to come back in less than 8 hours. I will tell you this: writing you did contribute to missing my flight, but I'm fairly certain I would have missed it regardless. I live on the edge. Innuendo-loaded response to come. (Get it?)

Ramon

The fact that you weren't appalled (damn, I keep trying to use really big words that I can't spell) by my perverted message says a lot about you. Be safe in New York, and for goodness sake, make sure you don't miss your flight back. Actually, maybe I should be scared by you not being appalled (there's that word again) by my message.

Drew

You have no idea if my response is gonna kick you to the curb. If I die in this taxi, I think the dude's name is Leon. Don't know why you'd care since I'm already dead to you. :) Also, because I don't know when I'll respond, I'll give you this fun fact: I told my roommate we were gonna do it before we talked. I think I was kidding. This is a future note to myself: Don't say things like that.

Ramon

Wait...did you say we were going to do it before we talked PRIOR to me talking about the kiss? If so, then that means we should at the very least kiss before we say a word to each other. Also, I did tell you that I am clear on my sexuality but I did not necessarily say I like women. Just saying.

You realize that you may not find me as attractive in person right? People always look differently in person than they do in Facebook pictures. Another little tidbit for you to nosh on. fyi - I plan on eating excessively in Puerto Rico so if I'm a little fatty when you see me you've been warned.

Drew

I'm gonna be devastated if I have a written crush on a gay man. And I did say that to my roommate last night. I was on nyquil, though... And there is much more to you than looks... Like your punctuation.

Ramon

Looks like we should kiss when I pick you up at your door...make sure your roommate is not watching; I can't perform well in public. Agh, I'm making myself nervous.

Drew

Once I find out you're not gay, we can discuss the details of the kiss. I am down. I'm writing a novel to you right now. I'm doing it in Word, though, so I don't look like they flew me up to NY to Facebook. Expect it momentarily.

Okay, so I’m in my visitor’s office, and I’m ready to rumble… Before I start, though, I need to tell you something hilarious. Not really, but I was embarrassed. Right as the meeting I was in was starting, this attorney that I work with a lot walked in the room. I was like, “Lisa, I’m Drew,” and she was like, “Oh, my pen pal!” I think I turned maroon. Or light blue.

Now I do have to commend you on thinking “rolling around with me” was dirty. I have a pretty filthy mind, and I don’t know that I would have picked up on that. Thanks for pointing it out, though. I’d say I handle stress fairly well. The Delta lady was like, “Why did you miss your flight?” I said, “Because I’m a failure.” She said, “I need a real reason.” I was like, “I’m serious.” Anyway, she put me on the next flight where I became best friends with a man named Bryant. He was probably 55 or so, and we were cracking up the whole time. He actually said that I handled stress well, now that I think about it. We were calling each other jerks by the end of the flight, so I have a new friend!

I really do find a way to make myself late for almost anything. I usually end up latest on days when I get up earliest. I don’t know why. I start thinking I have all the time in the world, and then next thing I know I’m explaining to the Delta lady why I’m a failure. Do your parents still live in Michigan?

I didn’t say I wanted you to call me, punk. I told you that I felt like you should have my number, but apparently you can’t read.

So, about the kiss… I truly am pretty nervous about it, but I think it would be a good move. My roommate is actually moving out this weekend, so I don’t think anybody will see it. There’s a chance my sister will be staying at my place (long story involving a stubborn priest), but I’ll figure that part out logistically. I need to know how tall you are. Also, I have to warn you that I’m probably going to start laughing nervously before we actually kiss, so I’m worried that it’s somehow going to be awkward because I’m being awkward.

Now is probably a good time to admit that I actually wondered if you were gay. Your Facebook definitely doesn’t say you’re interested in women. Also, in some of your pictures, you look a little too put-together to be straight. I don’t know how I mean that, but it isn’t supposed to be an insult. I think we should wait and talk about the manliness in person. I will admit that your mention of wanting to drop 20 pounds is slightly concerning, but I’m willing to let that go. The bottom line here is that I want to be dealing with a man who drinks beer, eats beef, and likes sports. If you truly need to mention manis/pedis again, please wait until after the kiss. “Sensitive” is a pretty strong term, but I’ll take it over whatever its opposite is. I am overjoyed to have met sensitive Ramon.

I promise I did not think about Alfie when I answered you, but now that you mention Alfie, I do remember seeing a dog named Alfie. You can judge whether or not I’m lying by the loads and loads of pictures I have on my phone of other people’s dogs.

Mmm, so when I said that I was financially conservative, I mean as far as financial policies. I spend money on whatever I want, which usually isn’t anything tangible. If I meet anyone who enjoys traveling, I will let them know that I know a guy who also enjoys travel and has my phone number, but I don’t have his.

Also, I feel like I should go ahead and say that, when I mentioned the “doing it” thing to my roommate, I think I was doing it for dramatization. I don’t know, though. We can discuss more in-depth when we get our manis/pedis.

Ramon

I enjoy beer a lot. I also enjoy liquor. Right now my drink is Bourbon, the good stuff. Wine is acceptable. I went to Napa this year and really enjoyed the wine tasting. I still have a bottle of dessert wine that I'm saving for a special occasion. Alcohol is also a great income generator for me because I handle a lot of DUI cases. Alcohol is amazing. Beef - I like it but try and stick to chicken and fish. I try and avoid pork unless it's in the form of bacon and I’m intoxicated. I was actually a vegetarian for about a year when I first moved to Georgia. Overall, I would like to make a better effort to eat a balanced diet. If that makes me unmanly then I am.

I would love to become a better cook because I enjoy cooking for people. I'm part of a dinner club with some friends and every couple weeks I cook. Perhaps if you are lucky I will allow you to eat my food someday. Depends on how you kiss.

Speaking of kissing, it's fine if you laugh but we will have to keep trying until we can get a genuine one in where we are both trying. When can we start coming up with some guidelines?

Ramon

Back to 'being a man' - I love sports. I really enjoy going to Braves games and doing the tomahawk chop when they score touchdowns. My favorite college team is Wisconsin. I like the NFL but I don't have a favorite team. I like baseball. Pretty much like it all. I was thinking of getting season tickets to the Braves next year. My accountant says I can write it off as a business expense. Unfortunately, however she said I cannot write off my trips to Vegas.

I'm 5'8". I lie and tell people I'm 5'10". I’m usually as tall as women I meet unless they are wearing heels. I would like to punch the dude who invented heels in the face. Tall jerk. How tall are you? Does height matter to you? If it does I want to reiterate that I'm a solid 5'10".

Once again, lots of people think I'm gay. Actually 2 out of the 3 attorneys I work with are gay so people assume I'm gay also. I also went to Thailand with two gay men. Wow, that really does sound gay. Some of the pictures you've obsessed over in my profile on Facebook are from me at a gay pool party. Wow, that sounds gay also. Doesn't matter, I'm comfortable with my masculinity. If I was gay I would just be gay, my dating life would probably be easier.

My family is still in Michigan. I'm in Georgia alone resorting to meeting random women.

Tell me something unusual about yourself please. I will follow suit.

It's sorta weird to think last week at this time you did not know I existed. Equally weird that we have spoken this much since Friday morning. By next week at this time we will have two kids and a house with a picket fence.

I'm glad you made it to New York! Good for you! You should not sleep with your marketing director boss dude. Just saying.

Balls in your court Dotson.

Drew

Wish we were at option 1.

On MARTA half asleep instead.

Good heavens almighty. I am home. I am now going to respond to you as a bedtime story to myself. I'm delirious, so that's my excuse.

Drew

First off, I realize that my last messages were confusing, but that's because I'm out of my right mind. I was thinking about how option 1 would have been tonight, and I wished I was there instead of on my never-ending journey.

One of my goals for 2011 was to go to Napa, and I just realized that I failed. Welp. I generate a lot of income for alcohol. Loved the subtle mention of the dessert wine, by the way. Perhaps split it amongst the girlfriends?

As a result of the weight comment, you're probably thinking, 'Damn, you're tiny,' and if you're not, you should be. I will make you feel really tall. With or without heels. Promise. I love that you told me that you lie about your height. Cracks me up. I used to care a bit about height, but now I don't. Starting at whatever time you sent that message. Kidding. Honestly, 5'8" or 5'10" are both really good heights for me. You will see when we kiss.

Your touchdown comment was really funny. You're really really funny. Made an idiot out of me in public again. This time on an airplane. (Looks like I start writing choppily when I'm tired.) Anyway, I am pretty big into sports. I am going to the Falcons game tomorrow. Word on the street is that my sister's fiance (One e or two? Can't remember which is the boy or girl version.) is giving me Falcons tickets for Christmas for the January 1 game. If the kiss goes well and you agreed to cheer for the Falcons, I might invite you. But why the hell am I getting ahead of myself?

Okay, now this whole gay pool party thing concerns me. That's actually a lie, but I'm concerned that I can't see the photos. I am not kidding with you when I say I can see maybe (at a max) 10 pictures with you in them. Only one looked super gay (in purple drinking a martini, about to make out with a dude), but I cannot see anything resembling a pool party.

Don't act like you have dating troubles, boy. You are too awesome.

Marketing Director is a woman.

So, you're right that it is pretty crazy to think that I hadn't even shaken your pimp hand at this time a week ago. On the plane, while I was planning the kiss (which I'll get to in a moment), I started wondering if I'd lost my damn head. I'm trying not to think too much about that, though.

Anyway, I'm pretty certain that you've slowly impregnated me with your charm, and I'm probably about 8 months along. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't starting to get a little nervous.

Nervous brings me to the kiss. I actually thought about this an unhealthy amount on the plane home. (Damn, it feels like we've been talking about the kiss forever. For DAYS.) First, I want to make sure you know that I am very serious about this happening without a word leading up to it. So we really have several options here as far as location.

If I opened the door and was standing inside without heels and you were outside, we'd probably be in a very good height situation.

However, I'm nervous that I'd get shy being semi in public and what not, so I fear that I would shut down. Another thought I had was that I could open the door and you could come inside to make it maybe the slightest bit more comfortable.

I worry, though, that it would require too much perfect coordination, and I’d probably accidentally blurt something out before the kiss.

We also haven’t yet discussed the specifics of the kiss, which is probably what you meant when you mentioned guidelines. If we wanted it to be really G-rated and short, I think the door scenario would work out well.

I feel like it should be more than that, though.

Your thoughts, please?

This message is so damn long, but now I’m supposed to tell you something unusual about me. I’m trying to determine what kind of “unusual” I should select. Can you tell I think way too much sometimes? I’ll just name several things and you can disregard whatever you think is dumb.

I don’t participate in ketchup or mayonnaise. GROSS. I’m not a chocolate person at all. I have a crush on the Geico gecko; a lot of people know about it. I’ve had sinus surgery three times. I got a 4.0 GPA in college. I want to kiss you.

When the hell are you leaving me for Puerto Rico? And why the hell aren't you here right now?

NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Ramon

I would like to address your ketchup/mayo comment first. That's right, this is what I would like to start out with. I love, LOVE ketchup, mayo, condiments and sauces. I once thought it would be a good idea to start a restaurant called 'Sauces' where patrons (yes patrons) would order a wide variety of sauces to go with their meal. This idea can't possibly fail, plus I've heard restaurants are easy to start and they never go out of business. Let me know if you want to partner up on this.

Something unusual about myself (I have a ton of things I could tell you that would blow your mind away but I want to get at least a kiss out of this first) - I've almost died by drowning on at least two occasions. I get severe motion sickness. I once had to pull my car over because I consumed too many donuts. I've come close to going to jail twice this year. Finally, when I first came down to Georgia the Department of Drivers Services wouldn't give me a license because they said I couldn't prove I was a US citizen. Drove around without a valid license for two months.

Ahhh, so let's talk about this kiss...

I want to step into your place. You close the door behind me. Take my hand and lead me to where you want to kiss. If you want to kiss right inside the entry that is fine. We kiss until we both nod in agreement that we are finished. I suspect we may need to kiss several times to get it right. Absolutely no talking until we both nod in agreement that we are done. I think we will know the moment.

If I decide to wear a hat that evening I will take it off prior to kissing so we don't have interference. If I don't wear a hat we don't need to worry about it. No pictures please. As far as THE kiss. I'm not a big tongue guy; I use it sparingly. I occasionally bite. I like to tilt my head to the right. DAMN. Way too much detail. Let's just do it and see if we have chemistry. As far as my hands, well let's just see what happens.

When we go to dinner eat whatever the hell you want. I suggest we have a donut eating contest.

Now time for a great question I just thought of...drum roll please...you MUST answer honestly and you can ask me the same or different question and I will be honest...when was the last time you kissed a guy? Last week? Two years ago? Details.

Do you realize we have exchanged 67 messages?

Drew

Man, I'm hungry.

I shouldn't be reading messages in the middle of the night. I'm getting overwhelmed by the kiss.

I've never driven through a drive-thru, and my license says I weigh 949 pounds. I also feel like I should probably get a Facebook app on my phone at this point. I've had this damn phone for a year. I once broke up with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years over a game of Yahtzee.

Ramon

I once had to pay money for my friend and I to not have our legs broken in Vegas. I’ve never had a serious fight with a girlfriend. I usually prefer brunettes but recently I‘ve been on a blonde chick kick. I once drove 5 hours so a girlfriend could try and buy a shirt she liked.

Please respond promptly with the name of your favorite band and with the exact date of your last kiss. Thanks for your cooperation.

Drew

If you walked in for the kiss and had a bottle of ketchup or mayonnaise, the kiss would be canceled effective immediately. As for the condiments, I do sometimes center my meals upon what condiments I can use. Or what can be topped with cheese. I am down with the concept, but I'll be in charge of coming up with the same. "Sauces" is quite innovative, but needs a kick.

At this moment in time, I'm glad that you didn't drown. The motion sickness thing makes me laugh because it doesn't sound manly. The donut thing also makes me laugh because it's just hilarious. You'll have to tell me the jail stories after I've had a cocktail or two and think it's cute. Additionally, are you a US Citizen, or are you using me for my citizenship?

So, that kiss... The plan sounds pretty good, but something about it makes it sound like it's my decision. I don't want to feel like I'm in charge (in this situation). After all, if I was in charge, we would be discussing positions right now. The technique sounds really great; the nod sounds a bit formal. We have several days to nail this down. I think I know where my hands will be, but we'll see what happens. I am definitely on Team Move the Kiss Inside.

I honestly don't have a favorite band, but I'll come up with something shortly. I don't know why you are trying to desperately to get this music question answered. Ugh, the last kiss. I'm not a fan of this question, but November 19. I am not asking the question in return. My rebuttal question: On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being total jerk, 10 being awww, how sweet is he), how would you rate yourself in your treatment of women?

Now, for questions that you've failed to answer along the way:

1) Birthday?

2) Puerto Rico?

I will be in the process of dying my hair blonde.

Oh yeah, I thought of another dealbreaker earlier. I'm gonna wait 'til I see you, though, or things could get really awkward.

Good lord. My butt looks so good in these pants that it should be illegal.

Ramon

The motion sickness thing is manly. Trust me. It is one of my few weaknesses (I suppose water could be considered one also although I’m still alive right now so technically I’m water’s weakness.) Even Superman has his cryptonite. Boom, I just compared myself to Superman; accurately.

You need to tell me dealbreakers now. That’s my rule and you must follow it.

Also, I think it’s adorable you believe you are in charge of the kiss. I’m giving you some basic guidelines so you don’t mess it up. Speaking of messing up, if I make the decision to utilize you in a compromising position I will let you know. That apparently is my call also.

Birthday is May 7.

On the scale, I am a 10. If that is unmanly then go find a jerk to kiss instead of me. I like my women with strong personalities. They must be independent. I’m not the jealous type so go hang out with a bunch of other dudes. If they are willing to get you drunk and buy you dinner that’s fine with me. Joke is on them when you come hang out with me afterwards. Damn, I am really really rambling.

On train now.

I am still close friends with my most recent ex but there is no physical contact involved.

I am not a citizen. You are though right? I don’t want to be wasting my time.

I will be in Puerto Rico so may not be able to communicate much. I will be so busy hooking up with chicks there will be no time to write. On that note I would like to inform you I have never cheated on a girlfriend. One more reason I’m a 10.

Superman out.

Drew

I think we just trained together. Just got off MARTA myself.

How much would our plan have been ruined if you got on my train car?

Ramon

I would have walked up to you and kissed you.

How do you feel about public displays of affection?

Drew

I think your weaknesses are spelling and semicolons. And me, but you don't know that yet. I love how you spelled kryptonite wrong and then proceeded to use a semicolon inaccurately.

You sure are bossy today. What's up with that? I will not tell you this particular dealbreaker now because it isn't exactly a choice. I think you're in the clear, though.

Sometimes I think you have reading comprehension issues. I told you I DON'T want to be in charge of the kiss. If you're making me do all of this guide-you-around nonesense, then I am in charge. What if I don't follow your damn steps? Then what are you gonna do? You truly need to checkognize.

Great birthday, by the way. Your birthday is odd and mine is even. 5-7. 4-26. Opposites really do attract.

I am finding it very hard to believe that you are a 10 because you write like you're a jerk, for the most part. I am DONE with jerks. Seriously. I've been on dates that included drug deals and walking out of Wal-Mart with DVDs in pants (I was unaware of these things until after they happened.). Anyway, I had a boyfriend (32!) for a hot second earlier this year, and he was the first really nice person I've dated in years. However, he was so nice that he didn't get my jokes and didn't make any of his own. He had a great vocabulary, though. We aren't really friends anymore, although I did need to see his dog recently. I do not want a jerk, but I do want someone who runs his damn mouth, which seems to be one of your specialties. I don't like plain people.

Sometimes I might be too passionate. My coworkers think I'm out of control sometimes. I just don't do a lot of censorship, except I don't cuss in front of my parents unless I'm on stage. I actually don't usually cuss on stage, but I cuss when I'm drunk, so I was probably using profanity the night you were there.

An example would be when a coworker asked me what I was doing the other day, meaning my workload. I responded very loudly, "I'M EATING A *** WHOPPER.” My roommate (until Sunday) tells me I'm crazy several times a week. But I'm not crazy like crazy people are crazy.

Yeah, I'm a citizen. I can show you my passport. I have blonde hair in it.

I hope you have immeasurable quantities of wild and crazy sex while you're in Puerto Rico. I will be in Atlanta doing everyone I can find. This is my first weekend off from the theater in probably six months (not kidding), so I'm hoping to get blacked out and hook up with random STD-ridden guys.

Can't believe I missed the MARTA kiss. The jury's still out on PDA, but I would have welcomed it if it was you and we were on MARTA.

Don't miss your flight.

Random, but if I had to guess what kind of car you drove, I would pick Audi all the way. Everything about you screams it.

Things you don't want to hear in the hall at work: "Was that you throwing it down in the holiday party pictures?"

Hope you made it to PR safely! Also hope you've FB friended your first hook-up victim!

Ramon

You miss me.

Drew

Speak for yourself! I'm gonna be drunk momentarily.

I'm about to dance in a tent.

I'm very confident that you would enjoy anything with me. I'm awesome.

Ramon

I'm right. You miss me.

Have a great time tonight Dotson. I think I can learn to enjoy anything if it means making you happy. Be safe.

Drew

Fine. I will admit it. I miss you, and I don't even know you. I'm on beer 4, and I'm ready for the damn kiss. Baby!!!

A Whole World patron just approached me. Just remember that I'm a celeb. And I like you.

I will send you something inappropriate when I return home. I would love if you said hi.

Drew

I'm trying to determine a way to make this message somewhat short so it doesn't look like I'm all up in your grill. However, I think this entire relationship has been dysfunctional enough that no judgment is allowed at this point in time.

We haven't talked yet about cuddling or things of that nature. Typically I am opposed to people being near me, but I think I would like to be held by you. I realize I'm drunk at this moment in time, but that doesn't ban you from being sweet to me. Damn, Ramon... I just kind of trust you to take care of me.

I want to make sure I emphasize how crazy this entire thing is. How in creation could I want to feel arms I've never felt? How could I be longing for lips I've never known? What the hell ever. It's December 16, haters, which means December 20 will be here soon.

Sweet dreams, handsome!

Ramon

It's not that crazy. You are a famous celeb dancing in a tent at the Georgia Dome drinking beers and doing every guy willing to get done in a tent and I'm a groupie who only pursues celebs.

What is crazy about that?

Sounds like you had a good time last night. I was worried that you were going to fall apart without me. Let's hope that in the future we don't think the peak of our relationship was during this period of time prior to us ever meeting in person.

This morning, prior to reading your message, I was thinking about how it would be to spoon you. I'm not normally a spooner but I think I would make an exception for you. Instead of worrying about spooning we should probably just see if we are capable of hanging out together in person without killing each other.

I'm about to go get breakfast with the parents. Apparently the older people get, the earlier they get up in the morning to go drink some coffee.

Don't worry, if I like you I will take care of you and will always be sweet to you. That's how I treat my celebrity crushes.

Drew

Man, I kind of want to wait and write you because I feel like I'm only allowed to say stuff sparingly while you're out of town. I have a ton to get done at work today, though, and maybe this will motivate me to focus.

I wish Tuesday would be here already. I'm starting to think way too much about this. I find myself super-excited, and then I try to talk myself back down to reality. Then I tell myself that it's gonna be a great story regardless of if it's disastrous. Then I tell myself it's not going to be disastrous, and I return to super-excited. REPEAT. I need to stop thinking about it. But I won't.

I was trying to decide if either of us has an advantage over the other. I feel like you have a better sense of me than I have of you because you have seen me live. That was live that rhymes with jive.

Kinda funny that you were thinking about the spooning thing. You'd be the perfect height for it. (I'm trying very hard to be rational in this message.)

I may or may not miss you.

Ramon

No matter what happens this is a great story. Even if we just turn out to be friends this will be worth it.

I have a better idea of what to expect with you than you do with me but I don't consider that an advantage. From my point of view you are in the better position. My biggest concern is that you won't like how laid back I am. Life is too short to get worked up about things.

I'm going into Tuesday hoping for the best. I think you're beautiful but what has actually attracted me to you is your personality. I love your messages and the positive vibes I get from reading your messages. You are definitely sharp. I like smart girls.

I don't think this will be disastrous. I think it will be a lot of fun and I'm really looking forward to meeting you Tuesday. I have to admit that I usually know within a few mintues whether there is a chance that I want to spend more time with a girl or not. I tend to write people off very quickly, especially women. This whole messaging thing on Facebook is new to me so I'm not sure how I will feel after spending time with you on Tuesday. It should be very interesting for both of us.

See you soon Dotson.

Drew

Did I do something insane in the show on December 8? I just realized that another patron messaged me, and this is not normal at all. I'm not sure how it took me a week to see that message. Oh yeah, probably because I was obsessively hoping to hear from you.

Thank you for the compliments. I love your [Facebook] personality, and I'm glad that I've gotten a good sense of who you are before meeting you. Sometimes I think people get too distracted by the need to succeed that they forget to evaluate whether or not they like someone. You know what I mean? People get so caught up in wanting validation that the connection is a moot point. Anyway, that was kind of a tangent, but I think you're great. Your personality is very sexy; it's the main reason I want that kiss.*

And, finally, your last paragraph made me nervous, particularly this line: "This whole messaging thing on facebook is new to me so I'm not sure how I will feel after spending time with you on Tuesday."

The pressure is on (for me!). I hope you're not nervous because you have nothing to be worried about. I actually don't make quick judgments, so you'll have all night/multiple nights to charm me -- if you haven't thrown in the towel after the first few minutes.

I hope you're having a nice trip! I think I'm gonna go finish the day from home. I'm off work Monday, too. HOORAY!

*You have been named chairman of the Kiss Committee. Any further details will be determined by you.

Ramon

I wonder if I'm crazy, not the fun crazy (well maybe) but the crazy crazy. I was sitting at the tiki bar and I was thinking how great it would be if you and I took a trip somewhere. I then caught myself thinking, “What the hell, you don't even really know her."

Hmmmm. Dreaming of vacation while I'm on a vacation. Yikes.

Going back to your question about your show where you brainwashed me into contacting you...I don't think you did anything particularly crazy, you are just an attractive woman and you are talented. I'm surprised more dudes haven't contacted you throughout your time at Whole World.

I don't know how this will come off but I think you should contact the dude or any dudes you may have an interest in or curious about. You're young, attractive, and have a great personality. You shouldn't limit yourself at this point in your life.

I always figure if I can't win over a girl who is dating multiple guys then she is either not ready to date only one person or I'm not her type (and vice versa). People always have a tendency to try and spend time with people they want to spend time with. If we get along and you like me and I like you everything will fall into place without any effort.

There is no pressure on for you. It will either work out or it won't. The reason I'm not sure about how this Facebook thing will turn out is because I have been so intrigued by you, which is confusing for me because I can't believe being penpals with someone has developed into a crush. Just eager to see how I will respond with you on Tuesday.

So far Puerto Rico has been nice. It's good spending time with my parents. I had always told myself that I would bring my dad back to Puerto Rico and my mom back to Korea. I would always have guilt had I not brought my dad here. He is 73 and although I hope he is with me forever, I know he is getting up there in age.

It's Friday night. Go out and have a blast and tell me about the great stories. I enjoy hearing from you Dotson. As I was thinking about this 'trip' that you and I are apparently taking together in my head, I also thought about how things have developed so quickly between the two of us. Last week at this time you sent me the first message. It really seems like it was ages ago.

Drew

So, here's something big that you don't know about me: My dream is to be a nonfiction writer.

I wouldn't write about amphibians or anything, but I would write about stuff that people would want to read. I had to laugh when I saw the first few lines of this message because it reminded me of something I had written in a document a few years ago. I copied this verbatim:

Red Flags

When a guy suggests y’all go on a trip within two weeks of getting to know you

Anyway, it cracks me up because I'm thinking, 'Well, that's two weeks of normal time. We've gotten to know each other really well the past week. Oh wait, we haven't met yet, but whatever.' Clearly I'm bordering on CRAZYFORREAL, too. We've been on several trips in my mind, too. We've also gone to some sporting events, you've been my date to some weddings, I've written a book about how we met, etc. It's a whirlwind. (Rereading this, I want you to know that I am actually fearing for my sanity.)

Trust me... You don't need to encourage me to hit on people. My friends make fun of me because I am notorious for asking guys out. My ex ex boyfriend (also 32) was our raft rental guy when we went down the Hooch, and I got his attention by offering him some Cheez-Its and then proceeded to get his number. I just realized when I said ex ex that it implies that I have a lot of boyfriends. That is not true. I had a boyfriend from 2004 to 2007, and then I've had three 2-4 month boyfriends. The one I had this year was the first one in two years.

Anyway, I used to date multiple people simultaneously, but I replaced Dude 2 with improv, so I tend to stick to one at a time. I'm clearly not as secure as you are in relationships, but I think it's because I've dated a lot of losers. I was very confident in the relationship I had earlier this year because it was actually a good, nice guy.

You have a lot of personality (at least in writing). If you are shy in person, I will lose it. I'm pretty confident that we'll hit it off and I'll find it hilarious that I was actually worried about it. You are so simple; I need that.

That's great that you're getting to spend time with your family. My family is all in metro Atlanta, so sometimes I find myself taking it for granted. I haven't told you yet that I absolutely love my family. My brother is 30 and my sister is 28. My sister is one of my best friends. My mom and I are very close, too. She is amazing. We've gone on two trips together this year (Hey! That's less than me and you!). We just went to New Orleans right before Thanksgiving and had so much fun. LOVE. MY. FAMILY.

Well, I was really excited about staying home tonight. The last few days have been so damn tiring. I want to do laundry, I'm still a little sick, and I just haven't sat around much lately. My friend texted, though, and wants to get dinner, so we're figuring that out now. I just texted her my food preferences, Indian obviously being first. Anyway, I'm not really in the mood to go out, but she's having a hard time lately so I feel like I should. I should also probably change out of my pajamas.

You are not kidding about the development of this. It is absolutely insane. I feel like I know so much about you, but I also feel like there is so much more to learn. I feel like we would never run out of stuff to talk about. I also love not talking. I know you're a dirty perv-o and just went nasty with it, but I mean just lounging around. I would like to take a nap with you. PLEASE NOTE THAT I HAVE ALSO NEVER MET YOU OR HEARD YOUR VOICE. We maybe should be institutionalized.

Time to go feed myself.

PEACE OUT!

Ramon

Well little Miss nutball, I want to be perfectly clear about something - I did not ask you to take a trip with me. It sounds like you are taking a crazy thought of mine and making it into something more. Now I do know your nuts, that's right, this was all a test.

I'm laughing that you decided to stay in tonight. I know you're staying in because you are waiting to hear back from me. That is really sweet and loyal of you.

I absolutely love naps. When I say love, I mean love. Would it be awkward if I showed up on Tuesday and I told you the only thing I have planned is taking a nap? That was a test. If you just thought to yourself "hell yeah" or "sweet, I would love to take a nap with Ramon" then you failed and you are certainly nuts. Dang, I have a feeling you failed that test.

I love that you love not talking at times. A lot of people cannot handle silence. Silence makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I love silence. Especially in court, it is a real attention grabber.

"You are so simple; I need that." My god, is that the guy I am? I'm not shy I just decide to talk when I feel inspired to speak. If you inspire me you will have nothing to worry about. If it turns out you are boring as hell and you actually have your sister writing these messages for you then yes, you probably should worry.

As far as you dating multiple guys - those dudes no longer stand a chance. I bet they don't know you're about to kiss Superman. As long as there isn't motion sickness and punctuation involved (my kryptonite) things are going to go very well.

I like how you have a list and I apparently did something that qualifies as a red flag. There should be an asterisk at the bottom of your 'document' that says: *None of these red flags apply if the dude is awesome.

I think it's great that you want to be a writer. Once again, I love love love women with passion and a desire to accomplish something. I will help you with your writing since I'm awesome with spelling and punctuation. Boo ya, you just got an Editor!!

I'm going to leave you with this - A couple years ago I invented (I don't know for sure if I invented it or not but I'm pretty sure) a scale involving guys and girls they can date. Here's how it works: You take a man's age and divide it by two. You then add seven years and boom, that's the youngest age the guy can date without it being creepy. It's fool proof and I've had to bust it out a couple times for some friends. For me - 32 divided by 2 = 16. 16 + 7 = 23. So 23 is the youngest age I can date without being creepy. Try it, it works for every age. If the dude's age is odd numbered then round up. I'm a genius.

I also have a theory involving relationships and 'levels'. I will tell you about it when we grab a drink.

Hope you're enjoying the Steak Nachos!!!

Ramon

*forgive me for all the mistakes (yes I think you're a monster and that's why I have to say this)

Drew

I'm interrupting my reading of this to tell you that I'm at a bar waiting on that damn friend.

So, the situation here is that you're in PR writing me, I'm at a bar writing you, and we're both a little nutty. The thing about your "nap" scenario is that I was already being critical because I wondered if you're going to be able to fulfill your duties as Kiss Committee chair. You already forgot that you're planning that, too. Ugh, boy!

Can I get a hint about your voice?

Ramon

The Kiss Committee has already planned the event for Tuesday. As for the nap, I wouldn't want your head to explode with too much goodness in one night. Most of my planning consists of emergency situations for when you can't handle the excitement. These are the big leagues kid. Can you handle the spotlight?

I have a deep voice. Like a man. Manly man voice.

Drew

You are killing me. You miss me so hard.

Rum and Coke is my drink, FYI.

Tonight is about to get interesting. Will report back.

Drew

Hi darling!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am home. In bed. Without you.

You did make a grammatical error that was really difficult for me to accept. I am accepting it, though, and filing it away in the nothing-applies-to-awesome-people section.

I want to take a nap with you. True story. I meant it, though, when I said that I didn't even process the information properly because I got so hung up on the kiss. I do think, though, that a nap would be a bit wasteful on night one. If it helps me pass this multi-minute test that you have, I'm down with pretending to nap.

I mean you're simple in that you bring everything down to a practical level. I know that's kind of what men do, but I love that you're like, "Well, it will succeed or it will be a failure. Get over it." And by 'love,' I mean that I can't stand it in that it makes me want to kiss you.

Ramon - I don't know if you got the memo, but I'm about to kiss Superman. What seemed like an eternity is only a few days away. In our time zone, that's probably the equivalent of 3 years, but SNAP! I feel like we should probably be touching each other at this moment in time.

While I wasn't paying attention to anything my friend was saying at the bar, I was thinking about how I'm nervous about how Tuesday is going to end. First off, you will have judged me in this two-minute deadline you've presented. Once I've passed that with flying colors, we're going to be in an uncomfortable moment where you are wanting to be in my bed. My sources tell me that I will want you there. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that I'll be looking at you as though I want to be naked with you. I know this because I think I'm trying to seduce the screen on my laptop right now. I'm confident we'll figure it out.

I like your age scale. Not so much for its purpose, but because it shows you've thought about something at some point in your life. It's a shame that you were figuring out how to seduce minors, but at least you had thoughts.

Pressing things I need to know: Do you have a butt?

I'm thinking about you a lot. Do we know what time you're arriving for the kiss on Tuesday? I feel like it's almost to the point where I can measure in hours without looking psychotic. I seriously want to feel your arms around me. I'm pretty sure that the PDA is going to happen Tuesday. I wish you were here right now.

Is your voice really manly like a man? I want to hear your manly self whisper something to me. I just... AHHHHH!!!! Hold me tight, sexy. I can't wait to see you.

Night, Drew

Drew

Hi. I just did my usual (since I've known you) "it's the middle of the night and I should check FB" routine. Upon reflection, I feel as though the three rum + Cokes and two shots (atypical) are evident. I apologize. Perhaps we should kiss and make up?

Ramon

I will be arriving at 6:30. Stop thinking about the kiss. The Kiss Committee is on top of it. You just need to answer the door (you will be able to do that right?) and I will take it from there.

I love the messages that you send me and I like that you are open in expressing your feelings. That's good stuff. Speaking of good stuff...

My punctuation has become lax. It feels absolutely fantastic to not have to proofread my messages. Absolutely great. I'm fired as your editor ain't I?

What are your plans this weekend? What do you typically do on the weekends?

fyi - I have a butt.

Drew

I should be able to handle opening the door. There's a chance I will have taped my mouth shut as a reminder not to talk. I'm sure the committee has already decided how to respond to those types of situations.

So, I was thinking about this last night while I was out. Typing carries with it a certain level of freedom. The person I'm portraying in writing (portraying sounds like I'm a big ol' faker) is very accurate -- me in my comfort zone. It's kind of freeing, really, that you've already experienced the true me so that I don't need to do this ease-it-in thing (That's what she said?).

How would you compare your written self with your real-life self? I ask because you seem very open, and I wondered if this is the standard or if part of it is the comfort of not being in the physical presence of an actual human. (I think I need coffee. These sentences aren't being executed the way they sound in my brain.)

Geez, I miss you.

That little section about the punctuation was HOT.

I am over the moon to hear about your butt. That is important to me. It's apparently important enough that it triggered my dream. Ironically, after a series of inappropriate events, we went to Target. OH! And, in the dream, you broke the first guideline on that list I made in 2008. I noticed and was like, "TELL ME YOU DON'T ____________." You countered it with a really smooth line, and I rolled my eyes and started kissing you. Earth to Drew.

As for the weekends... I am having a really tough time with this question because I don't have a "typical" weekend. I usually perform (on stage) Friday, Saturday or both. Saturdays and Sundays usually include working out and doing whatever needs to be done to get life in order. Right now Sundays revolve around when the Falcons are playing (kinda sad they don't play tomorrow). On the weekend nights that I'm not performing, I usually go out to dinner or a bar with some friends. Or my roommate (until tomorrow) and I sit at the kitchen table drinking and talking life. Do you have a weekend routine? Do you have routines or do you fly by the seat of your pants-wearing butt?

In a little bit, I'm going to start a load of laundry and go to the gym. I need to straighten up my place, too. My roommate is about to go to an audit or something, but her boyfriend is in town, so he's going to be around the house all day. I'd kinda rather be as loud and trashy as I want, but I guess I need to put on a bra. I want to stay home tonight, but I'm sure a friend is going to ask me to do something and I'll say yes. Tomorrow night we have our theater holiday party. I gotta get a gift for that and figure out what food I'm bringing. I should also probably respond to the e-vite. I'm glad that I'm walking you through all of this. It's helping me get organized, and when I forget what I need to be doing, I will refer back to this.

Whatever time I don't spend doing those things (and probably even most of the time I am doing those things), I'll be thinking about you and telling myself I'm normal.

Ramon

Your comment about my punctuation makes me think I can say anything to you and you would think it's hot. I like that. When you start thinking to yourself "this dude is an idiot" when I say or write something then please let me know. Doing so would be appropriate under Penpal guidelines.

As far as my voice, I'm going to let you in on it so you don't freak out when you hear me speak...because I talk with a Boston accent.

I've been trying to not write things like "you're wicked smart" or "you're suspect" and it has been extremely difficult.

Your comments about writing like the real you is what has more slightly worried for a couple of reasons:

1) I'm assuming your buckets of fun and you speak your mind. I can live with both of these things and it's what has attracted me to you. BUT can you also class it up and go to dumb dinners with colleagues of mine or am I going to be the talk of the party the following morning becuase of my 'crazy' girl? Please advise that you can party hard but also can class it up if you need to. (damn, this whole paragraph is coming off the wrong way but my sister is busting my chops to use this computer so I don't have time to clean it up).

2) Is my written self the real Ramon? Overall, my answer is yes. I am an extremely private person and I keep my business to myself. However, the person you know through Facebook is how I speak when I feel I can trust someone. I feel like we are getting there and I anticipate I will be pretty loose with you on Tuesday. I'm definitely not shy; I have a lot of people tell me I actually come off as a jerk and not as an introvert.

This is very interesting to me because what is the difference between the two? I'm not actively acting rude to people it's just they think I'm arrogant because I put off a certain type of vibe. Does this make sense? Dang. I'm not shy and I'm not an arrogant jerk which means I must just choose my words carefully? I'm not even making sense anymore. Are we gonna do this kiss or not? I'm all flustered over here.

Bottom line: if I trust you then no topic is off limits and I am very very open. So the question is "can I trust you with my secrets Lois Lane?" (I really hope I spelled that name right). I've been close to telling you some very intimate details about myself but, as much as I dig you, I'm not sure it would be a wise decision right now.

During the week I usually have a routine. I get up at 5:30 and go to bootcamp (this hasn't happened in a couple of weeks) then go to work. After work I usually go home hang out for a little bit and then go get dinner/drinks with a friend or two. On the weekends I'm really loose. However, I usually find myself at the office both Saturday and Sunday. If something is happening on the weekend then I will not go into the office. I try and take classes or do something out of the ordinary during the week. I've taken cooking classes, I've done improv lessons, I've experimented with workout routines, etc.

I love and hate that you are so excited about Tuesday. I'm scared that I'm not going to be what you are hoping for. I comfort myself by thinking I just need to be genuine and this will either work out or not.

fyi - I'm messing with you; I do not speak with a Boston accent.

Drew

I feel like I should let you keep thinking I'm a wild party animal who offends everyone in sight. I'm trying to decide if I should make my points against it or let you see for yourself. I am probably the most adaptable person ever born. (I was trying to think of situations to give as examples that might involve being classy, but decided against it.)

Monday, when you're journeying back to me, I'll be at an advisory board meeting at Emory with a bunch of doctors who have flown in from all over the world. But I was appointed to that role because I am one trashy whore. I cannot wait to dance on a table at this thing.

I get the introvert vs. jerk thing. Basically, you're too sexy and people take it personally. I think that, if you're even half as confident as this written version of you, you would probably have a demeanor that's intimidating. I don't think I explained this well. I'll save it for real life.

Favorite part of your message: Are we gonna do this kiss or not? I'm all flustered over here.

That was so awesome. It was sweet, jerk-like and funny all at once. At the same time, though, I am getting really concerned about the committee. The chairman told me earlier today that everything was under control, and now it sounds like there are doubts.

How late do you usually stay up on weeknights? I get up around 5:54 if I'm gonna work out, and 6:44 if I'm not. I do try to get to bed by 11, but it varies. I usually do trivia on Mondays (but I'm reconsidering this; it is not a smart way to kick off the week), meet a friend at Starbucks every other Tuesday, have rehearsal on Wednesdays and then Thursday is my free day. I'm very surprised that you have taken cooking and improv lessons. I don't know why.

I get confused when you seem concerned about Tuesday. You're the one scaring me with your "I write people off quickly" threats, yet you think there is anything to worry about from your side? I promise I will like you, except in the case that I don't. Just kidding. I'll just say that you're starting in a very, very good place. You [seem like you] are a good person with a good soul, and you are innocent until proven guilty. You don't have to work to impress me. (Wow, don't remember I said that. I just mean on Tuesday.)

I'm sad and relieved that I accidentally saw the Boston FYI before I saw you try to fool me; it jumped to the bottom of the message. I would have wanted to be like EEK, but I am positive I would have started rationalizing why the accent would be a good thing. Yes, you have me in a very vulnerable place. Let me borrow some of your power, Superman.

It's getting close to Sunday! Which is getting close to Monday! Which is the day before Tuesday!

Ramon

I am kidding about kidding about the Boston accent. I really do speak that way. Do you like apples? (If you get that reference I will marry you right now and I mean RIGHT NOW I will fly you to Vegas (I guess we could get married anywhere but Vegas just slipped into my thoughts) and we will do it.)

I am one classy dude. I wear a tux to the grocery store and I feed my dog sparkling water and fresh salmon for dinner. that's how I roll. I didn't mean to insult you at all about the classy thing it's just I wasn't sure because that's a side of you I've never seen (I know I probably didn't insult you because you are so cool). I am very very happy to hear that you can not drop f-bombs for a few minutes while you meet with a bunch of doctors. Now that I think about it, you may want to be concerned about me. I'm the one dropping f-bombs with prosecutors and other attorneys. But, in my defense, I sound very classy when I do it.

The Kiss committee has notified me that everything is under control. Our internal problems should be of no concern to you. The kiss will happen and the committee will reconvene and form another committee. I don't want to tell you what it is going to be. You are on a need to know basis and right now you don't need to know

I do write people off very quickly. It is one of my biggest flaws. I don't know what else to tell you about it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remind me that we need to talk about this on Tuesday.

I feel like I have soooo much I can tell you!!! I hope we talk as much as we write!! Gotta get going right now because my mom wants to go to the casino and waste my money.

Drew

I'm very relieved that I didn't know that Good Will Hunting reference because I feel like getting married would cause skepticism in our anti-marriage club. Speaking of marriage, that was the message (the one about your marriage views) that made me decide you probably weren't gay. I was sitting on the couch and my roommate was on the other couch and I was like, "Well, I don't think he's gay because he said he would probably get married eventually, and he didn't mention anything about needing some laws to pass." I am 100% serious. I haven't mentioned you to her since Tuesday, though, because I don't want her worried about my mental health.

Well, I'm glad you made the point about how I should probably be worried about you because it's not like you've been overflowing with class. I, on the other hand, don't feel like I need to question you and your abilities because I trust you.

I feel like now is a good time to say that my personality is better than my looks. I honestly don't know what happened, but I've become significantly less attractive over the last year or so. I used to look in the mirror and be like "Haaaaaaay" most days. Now it's probably once every week or two. Please don't give me any compliments as a result of this paragraph. Thank you.

I appreciate the committee update. Please send me a copy of the minutes at your earliest convenience.

I will try to remind you about talking about writing people off if you haven't already written me off. One of my flaws is that I rarely write people off, so maybe we can meet in the middle.

Where is Alfie?

Drew

Lay with me!

Ramon

You are sooo funny. I'm reading your previous message right now.

I did not finish reading your message but I feel inspired to tell you that you are very attractive. Remember, I did not read all of your message.

Drew

Stop

Ramon

in the name of love, before you break my heart...

sorry, whenever someone says stop I think of that stupid song...

Drew

If you saw my outfit right now, you'd agree.

Ramon

What the hell are you wearing?

It aint worse than what I was wearing the other day. My mom tells everyone that I look like a homeless man...

Drew

My mom tells me I should dress like a female. You are a metrosexual. What kind of pick-up line is that? ;) I have on this Rock 100 t-shirt, pink fleece jacket and jeans. Funny thing is I ran into a Rock 100 guy I know at Publix.

I also have on this really cute hat that people love.

I hope you are writing me. I love homeless men.

Ramon

Did you just come to the conclusion that I'm a metrosexual or is that something you have always thought?

Do you like dance clubs like Opera?

Drew

I thought it since I saw you in a purple shirt and a fashion scarf.

Ramon

I'm going to get going Dotson. Have a good night. I don't know what you did to me to make me feel this way about you but it worked.

What? I don't know how to feel about this.

Looking forward to Tuesday Dotson, see you soon.

Drew

Get going. You have me drugged with your sexiness. Two more nights without you. :)

Opera? No. Went once for a charity event.

Oh, got it. The Opera thing was a joke. I just made everyone laugh with my stupidity. I'm sure I'll run my mouth to you before I go to sleep.

Hello manly man,

I'm getting sleepy. I was sitting downstairs (in the kiss area) with my almost-former roommate, her boyfriend and my roommate-come-January. We were running our mouths about a variety of topics. As far as the stupidity comment I made earlier goes... My roommate was telling a story and was like, "She said she didn't think it was going to work out because he has a wandering eye." Apparently I've never heard that term and, very seriously, I was like, "Really? Like a lazy eye?" They all found it hysterical.

So, I've noticed two things since we started messaging. For one, I feel anxious quite a bit. When I actually start thinking about it, my stomach starts flipping around. It takes a lot to get me anxious (these days), so congratulations? And stop. IN THE NAME OF LOVE! And, secondly, I feel generally happier. I laugh to myself more than usual and am even more likable (I didn't know it was possible) to be around. You are awesome.

I am so eager to meet you. For real. I want a damn hug. It is so strange that I could miss you without knowing you. I mean, how does that even make sense? Anyway, with all logic out the window, I so badly wish you were here. I would like to be in your arms.

See you soon.

Ramon

I would love to give you a big hug right now Dotson. You and all of your silliness have me anxiously awaiting the moment you open the door and I'm standing there with a bottle of ketchup and mayo. The look on your face will be priceless.

Where do you live? Apartment? Last week at this time you were uncertain about me picking you up on my scooter. Boy, a lot has changed. I guess the creep factor of me knowing where you live is no longer a concern of yours. It shouldn't be. By the way, I love the layout of the furniture in your living room; you should probably move the couch a little closer to the tv. (I'm being very ambitious with my joke telling today)

So answer a few questions for me:

1. Do you have a nickname that people call you?

2. For god's sake, tell me what type of music you like. I'm a bit curious about this now (perhaps a little worried) because you don't answer. I won't make fun of you to your face about it.

3. Any goals for 2012? (Like getting your weight up to triple digits?)

4. Religion (multiple choice):

a) church once a week

b) church on special occasions only

c) don't necessarily believe in god but spiritual or

d) Atheist

5. I'd like to know how tall you are. My mom is 5'1" and my sister is 5'3". Are you about the same height? Your height isn't a big deal for me but I am curious so I can plan on my form during the kiss.

6. what is your favorite picture of me on facebook? (don't be shy, I know you've got one stalker)

Any questions you have for me? If you ask the right questions you will get responses that will blow you away. (I wanted to use exclamation marks just now but I didn't want to take away from my manliness.

my previous post is not complete until.......). There we go, that's what it was missing.

Drew

I just finished my tour de pictures and am going to jump to that first so I don't have to click back out of this when I forget what I'm supposed to be saying. So, you truly are only in 11 pictures, which is bull. While I cannot commit to one, I'll give you my comments on a few:

-Cigar picture: This is really sexy because you look like a bum. The cigar part is repulsive, but the fact that you look so dirty is hot.

-Black Lacoste shirt and fancy hat with one other dude: If my mom wanted to see a picture of you, I'd probably go with this one. You look like a good person in it. You also look like you would give big, protective hugs. I love how dense you look here. Not stupid, but thick.

-Green shirt and fancy hat: I feel kind of seduced by the one that has a comment about Irish Car Bombs. I feel kind of like seducing you in the one where you're looking at the beer.

I live in a townhouse style condo I bought 3+ years ago. If you did the math, you’d see I've ruined myself over here. What's your living situation? And where is Alfie? (I'm switching to number format now.)

1. I have a billion nicknames. Drewdle, Drewseph, Dotson, Tiny Hot, Drizzle, Drewster, Drewski, Double Deezy, Dora, Spud, etc.

2. I've been holding out on the music question simply because it is frustrating you. It's the only semblance of power I have over you anymore. Can you just let me be? (Fact: If you logged into my Pandora account, you would probably be even more confused. It is so all over the place that you wouldn't think it could belong to one person.) Place this question in box until a quieter time.

3. I'm sure I have goals for 2012, but they aren't documented anywhere. Every year at this time, I'm like, 'Man, I want to set some goals.' I usually write something or another down somewhere. I just looked at the memo in my phone I made last year at about this time. These goals aren't very measurable. My primary goal will be writing-related.

4. Your religion multiple choice options are kinda weak. I would probably pick: e) both b and c.

5. While I haven't decided what shoes I will be wearing on Tuesday, I will probably be about your sister's height. I am closer to your mom's height, though, in my most natural form.

I keep thinking of stuff I want to ask you; let's see if I can remember any of it. If not, I will create substitutes.

1. What is the primary reason that your previous relationships ended? Your response to this answer must be limited to two sentences.

2. Where were you born?

3. When did you last cry and why? (I do realize that you may have never cried in your life -- not even as a baby -- because you are so manly.)

4. What's one thing that you'd say you're better than most everyone at? That was worded horribly.

5. Ask yourself a question that allows you to tell me something you'd like me to know.

I should probably stop writing you from my laptop in bed. It makes it really tough to not want you here. I think I'm starting to go off the deep-end. It's almost like you're my imaginary friend or something.

Lord, that sounded really weird, but I almost feel like you're here. There is no way to make this sound reasonable. I started digging this hole because I envisioned me being in bed with my back to you. I imagined you reaching your arm around my waist and pulling me over to you.

Sigh. Get your butt to Atlanta.

I better go work on the obstacle course I've been setting up inside my front door.

Ramon

I dominate obstacle courses. To make it challenging there needs to be a physical and mental element to the course. Please consider how difficult it is going to be for me because both of my hands will be occupied holding condiments. I look forward to the challenge. I'm assuming if I survive the obstacle course my reward will be the joy of pouring ketchup and mayo all over your body.

Apparently you prefer me being fat than skinny. You will be very disappointed in a couple of weeks when I am shedding some pounds. I have a feeling you will like the thinner version of Ramon because my body looks really good that way. Yes, this all sounds a little like I love myself.

You didn't make a comment regarding my joke about looking into your window at night. That was totally a joke. Yup, totally a joke. No element of truth to it at all. Not at all.

I'm not sure what I'm going to wear on Tuesday. I will probably wear just a t-shirt and maybe a hat. Any requests?

I have also ruined myself with a nice real estate purchase. No further comment on this subject. (This reminds me, why do you think I drive an Audi? The two door kind or the four door?) I do not drive an Audi.

My favorite nickname for you is "tiny hot". I think it's really cool that you gave yourself a nickname like that.

Thank you for not answering the music question. I really appreciate that.

Answers to your questions (my numbers coordinate with your numbers):

1. My previous relationship ended because it was missing something (Not really sure what it is that was missing). She was a better friend than girlfriend. (her pictures are on my Facebook account if you are interested, this comment doesn't count as a sentence)

2. I was born in Panama City, Panama. At the time the canal zone was controlled by the US. My dad was in the military and stationed there. I may not be a US citizen. You interested in getting married or not? Damn woman, don't waste my time.

3. I cry a lot. It's healthy. Don't remember the last time I cried. When I say cry I don't mean bawling my eyes out cry. I mean eyes get watery and I feel emotional type of cry. I get emotional a lot in court during trial. I will probably cry on Tuesday when you punch me in the face after I throw ketchup at you.

4. Not really sure what you are asking on this one since it was worded so poorly. I think I'm better at appreciating the small things than most people. I also think I'm more compassionate than the average person. (I'm thinking of also adding that I'm better than most people at picking up chicks on Facebook but I will have to wait until Tuesday to know if this is true or not).

5. This question is weak. Don't get lazy on me Tiny Hot. You need to work for your answers.

Alfie is currently at the vet. I usually take him there because I'm a paranoid parent. I know he doesn't have a lot of fun there and definitely not as much fun as going to Doggie Daycare but if anything happens to him I know the vet can deal with it right away.

Talk to you later Tiny Hot.

So here is something I do not like about women. I realized I should tell you this prior to Tuesday or else all hell would break loose.

I dislike when women wear clothes with the designer all over it. The exception is work out clothes. If you were planning on wearing your Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt on Tuesday, please do not. If you were planning on wearing your Aeropostle t-shirt on Tuesday please do not. If you have a winter coat that says Gucci on the back of it in big bold letters please dispose of it immediately. Subtle labels are acceptable. Overall this issue I have with sporting labels does not apply to shoes, workout clothes, and in most cases handbags and glasses.

I am not gay for using the word handbag instead of purse.

Does my punctuation and grammar bug you to the point where I needs to start proofreading?

Drew

I just ran three miles. I better keep this up if I'm dealing with Mr. Obsessed-with-Himself.

The thought of having ketchup or mayo touch me is so gross. It was funny when you mentioned the condiments, but the pouring ketchup/mayo comment was over the top.

I do prefer fat over skinny. I'm generally not a fan of guys who say anything that you said in your second paragraph. Now I want to know if you have any insecurities. Usually people who act this cocky are cheaters. Please advise.

Remember when you made that joke about looking in my window? That was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't care what you wear on Tuesday, but I'm a little concerned that you're not going to be wearing pants. I want you to wear something that you like to wear. I haven't thought yet about what I'll be wearing, but I will try to look a fraction as good as you and your perfect physique.

I think you drive an Audi because all of the meatheads I've dated have either driven one or wanted one. If it's not an Audi, my final guess is definitely an Acura. I do apologize if I sound bitter about your body, but I have had a lot of bad experiences with this "type." This is the last comment I will make about it. For real. Unless it's in person.

I don't own any clothing like you've described. I've already judged you for the Lacoste stuff, though, so now I'm confused.

I realize I'm sounding mean. Forgive me. Handsome?

Ramon

I am not a cheater (unless you are referring to my history exam in undergrad). I have never cheated on a girlfriend and I have references in case you need them. If I commit to a relationship then I am fully committed and I take the relationship seriously. There are some things I could tell you that are very private that would help you understand the type of guy I am. We can talk about these things in person.

Like most people, I am human (although I have been given super powers here on your planet because of your yellow sun)(this is a Superman reference) and I have insecurities. Those insecurities may reveal themselves more with you because I think very highly of you and I care what you think of me.

I would like to strive to be the best at everything I do, whether it's being a lawyer, a friend, being a boyfriend, pet owner, etc. I don't think this is self-absorbed is it? I like to think I'm very down to earth. After we meet I hope that's the way you feel about me.

I told you before that trust is very important to me. If I am to feel close to someone I have to feel like I can say crazy things, self-absorbed comments, etc. because I trust the person I am saying them to will understand the real me. Does this make sense? Is it just too early for me to feel free to say anything to you? Am I self-absorbed but just don't know it? Hmmm.

As far as my comment about being fat and skinny. Yes, I admit I sound like a tool. There is more behind the comments, however. When I was younger I used to be able to run 1/2 marathons without any training and I used to do very well. The most recent one I did I struggled finishing. I think a big part of it is that I am about 20 lbs heavier than my ideal running weight. I felt healthier at that weight and felt more confident. Ahhh, I wish I didn't mention any of this previously. Anyways, a goal of mine is to run an Ultra marathon so I need to be a little lighter again. Hopefully all this fat/skinny talk has distracted you from my comment about the handbag.

I've given the whole pants idea a second thought and I'm going to stick to my original plan of not wearing pants.

Well what is up with the Audi comment? I don't drive an Audi. I'm not going to be like any of the other guys you have dated. I know that latter comment may also sound self-absorbed but it's not meant to be. I just really think I march to the beat of a different drummer. You previously asked me what I thought I did better than other people and I told you I appreciate the little things more and I also think I'm more compassionate than most people. I think these two ideas define a lot of who I am, what I do as an attorney, how I treat people, and how I view the world.

I drive what is considered to be a luxury car and if you must know I really dislike it. Not much more to say about it.

As far as the clothing, it just annoys me when people have big labels all over their clothes as if they are a walking billboard. I notice this mostly with Abercrombie and Fitch. You can judge me on my Lacoste stuff but I usually roll with just jeans and a t-shirt. I haven't purchased a Lacoste shirt in years.

I'm going to leave you with this comment - I don't care what you wear, the condiments you eat, your ability to make a good obstacle course, whether you decide to shave your head bald in the future, whether you want to get a tattoo on you face, and what clothes you wear. Because I really enjoy exchanging messages with you. I really enjoy the person I think you are. I really enjoy that you have a brain in your head, that you can dance in a tent at the Georgia Dome but can still class it up with doctors at Emory.

I'm a happier person since last Friday because of you. Whether things work out with us or not I am very grateful and consider myself lucky to have gotten to know you as much as I have. I really want to kiss you. I want to feel that physical connection. I can't wait til Tuesday.

Drew

I’m on the phone right now, but from what I read of this message, it makes me very happy. Like, VERY HAPPY.

So, this message is about to cover a variety of topics. (What's new?) Basically I'm responding to portions of two different messages right now.

I really want to know what was "missing" in the previous relationship. Normally I loathe hearing about previous relationships, but I never understand when people say that "something" was missing. I mean, I know the feeling, but I can usually identify what is missing. For example, in my previous relationship, the something that was missing was that I didn't really enjoy our conversations. He was always telling me about some project he was going to do on his house or explaining how a tankless water heater worked, and I just really didn't care. Also, it bothered me that the only time he made me laugh was when I was laughing at him for his passion regarding topics such as Ben Franklin.

I wasn't being lazy by not asking you a question; I just thought you might have information that you'd kinda been wanting to share, but hadn't found the opportunity. For example, I'd been kind of nervous about you knowing that I have five tattoos, but now that you made the "tattoo on my face" comment, I'm putting that out there. So there.

You don't need to proofread as long as you are sincerely literate.

I like that you strive to be the best you can at everything. That's pretty important to me. I try very hard to make the world a better place. Not like a hippie, but I have accomplished a hell of a lot.

I forgot about the handbag, but thank you for the reminder. Without sounding bitter or like I have baggage, I have been judgmental of super-workoutish people ever since my almost-3-year relationship. This dude was a total jerk to me, turned me from confident to insecure and was very emotionally abusive. I was in a very vulnerable place when I met him and he was so mean to me. Anyway, he was always wanting to look good and diet and go to the gym and do steroids behind my back and wear only Lacoste and Polo shirts, blah blah blah.

hrough this disaster of a relationship and reading about people like him, I read something about gym freaks needing control and he was very controlling in every sense. So, as a result, I am anti-"oh look at my body" and anti-"I wear name brands."

I realize I was quick to judge you on that, and I apologize. I will apologize again when I see how ridiculously good your body looks.

I don't want you to think you can't say anything to me, and I hope that all of my mouth-running didn't give you that impression. I was feeling particularly grumpy because of a situation that would take way too long to explain.

Your mention of compassion and appreciating the small things is very important to me. I am extremely compassionate. It's ridiculous. I don't cry cry a lot (anymore), but I am weak. For example, one of my favorite shows is Dancing with the Stars (is that considered reality TV?). Every week, somebody's story makes me all teary-eyed. The guy I fell in love with this season (JR Martinez) was so damn inspirational. Ahh. (Wow, I forgot how intense he made me.) Anyway, I pretty much measure my life by my relationships with other people, and people regularly tell me that I have more friends than anybody they've ever known. It's because I care about people a whole lot, and I do a lot for a lot of people.

On that note, Tuesday can't get here soon enough. Right now we're measuring 51 hours away. I feel like a broken record, but, damn, I am ready for the kiss. I seriously can't let myself think about it too much or I start to feel loony. I should probably practice opening the door to distract myself.

Ramon

For some reason the "talking about previous relationships" thing has never bothered me. I don't mind hearing about previous relationships or discussing my own. I think it's healthy. A lot can be learned from past experiences.

As far as my previous relationship with my most recent ex, there was definitely something missing. I met her the first week of law school and she taught me a lot about myself. She is a good person and she is beautiful. We were basically together from 2002 until about 2008. There was no real end to our relationship. We never "officially" broke up but we are no longer together and it's for the best. My ex puts a lot of value in materialistic things and it really bothers me. Her family has a lot of money. She is used to a lifestyle that is very comfortable.

Overall, I would want the person I am with to appreciate and care for me regardless of whether I make money or whether I am poor. I don't want to live a life where I feel pressure to make money. I want to do things that I love and if I make money doing something I love then that is just a bonus. The "something" that was missing from our relationship was that when it came down to it, I wasn't 100% sure she had my back.

I love that you have tattoos. Where are they? I don't have tattoos because it would break my mom's heart and I couldn't do that to her. I used to have my nose pierced and that really bothered my mom.

I'm not a gym freak (especially lately). I'm not all roided up and I don't yell and scream when I lift a heavy ass weight I have no business lifting. My body just feels better when I eat healthier and get exercise. I'm sorry to hear about the previous relationship you had with the jerk. I don't think I'm capable of being emotionally abusive to you or anyone else. I like to be in control but I'm not controlling (if that makes any sense). If I am in a relationship with someone they are my equal and we're a team. We would have each other's backs.

I'm really digging you Dotson.

You're a thinker and that is very attractive. Hard to believe you could ever have low self esteem because you are too awesome.

Drew

So you're telling me you have a girlfriend? Just kidding.

The "talking about previous relationships" dislike is also rooted in my one long-term relationship. He just used every opportunity possible to make me feel terrible. I actually used to be super confident before that, and I thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. One insult at a time, though, he chiseled away at me and I became a completely different person.

My mom often says that she's never thought I was the same person after that, but I think I'm very close to the pre-jerk days.

It's funny, really, that you say that the money thing bothered you about your ex. My last Christmas with my ex, he gave me a Coach purse and wallet. I opened it and, although I didn't say it, I was like, "WHAT IN THE WORLD COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE THINKING?" I was really, really upset.

(Get ready for something weird.)

Growing up, both as a kid and a teenager, I would cry every Christmas. It's like, I would get through the day, and then, when I was in my room with all of the new stuff I got, I would be crying because I didn't want any of it. The day after Christmas I always tried to convince my mom to return all of it because I felt so guilty to be getting all of this stuff. I only recently have been okay with Christmas when it became not about the presents. My whole family can't stand it because I never have anything I want. Needless to say, you don't need to worry about me liking "things." That is also in the test results I keep referencing that I should just email you so I'll stop mentioning it.

My mom cried the day I told her I was going to get a tattoo, so I didn't go. She caved in about 6 weeks later, and she hasn't cared about any subsequent ones.

I have one on each wrist, one on my left rib cage (under my arm, kinda), and one on each side of my hips. My mom said you could see them when my pants were falling off in that show you were at. (Can you believe your simple presence made my pants fall down? Ridiculous, I tell you.) Anyway, they're all small and awesome. I forget I have them.

Man, your line about yelling and screaming while lifting weights cracks me up.

It's also funny to me that I have told you more about myself than probably anybody I've ever dated. And we haven't met. (Why do I keep telling you that like you don't know?) Anyway, I think that's pretty amazing. Like yourself!

Can you say 49?

Ramon

I think you are so great. Seems like we have a really solid, genuine connection. I'm a lucky guy to have met you.

Drew

I'm writing you from a party where I'm being very classy. And consumed by thoughts of you. It is close to kiss o'clock!

Ramon

You are so cute.

We in bed together yet?

Drew

Kiss. Me. Now.

"We in bed together yet?" might win the Facebook Message of the Week award, honestly. That was so awesome. I want to read it again. God, it's just as good every time. I don't mean to be using so many innuendos.

I can't believe that we're almost at 39 hours!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I should make a damn paper chain and tear the links off! To think that at this time last week I thought you had on a maroon top... Ah, how quickly things change! When do you get back to town tomorrow? Is it even tomorrow? Did I make that up? Am I telling myself what I want to think?

Man, I haven't started getting nervous yet, but I feel like it could be just around the bend.

My imaginary friend and I are about to go to sleep. I can't believe we stayed up this late. He usually tries to go to sleep at 9:30, but that turns into 11.

Need that damn kiss.

36

Ramon

I can't believe I'm going to be kissing a celebrity in 36 hours.

The Kiss Committee has been going through last minute scenarios. We are worried the door won't open properly.

The Committee is also trying to decide on a 'style' for the kiss. Should we go old fashioned hollywood kiss and dip you to the ground? Should we (the Committee) do more of a modern sexy kiss and start ripping your clothes off while we are kissing? Hmmmm. So many last second decisions to make.

I will be back in town late tonight. Unfortunately I will be spending most of my time in an airport today. I will shoot you a message when I get home tonight.

Drew

Feel like I should let you know that there will be a modern approach from me. There's gonna be "sexy" written all over my role in this.

Additionally (I know I'm blurring the line between the committee's responsibilities and mine.), I am going body-to-body with this.

Ramon

The Committee will take your comments into consideration when making their final decision. Good day to you.

Drew

You are too hot for your own good. I can't even handle this anymore.

Ramon

Just got back. It was a great trip but I am happy to be home. I've made the decision to wear pants tomorrow. Hopefully that decision doesn't upset non-committee members.

What's your address? I will plan on being there at 6:30. This is fun, I'm wondering how it is going to feel to interact with you in person.

Sooo tired.

Drew

I'll send you my address tomorrow. Glad you are home! We are almost asleep now. Hugs and kisses!

Drew

A few things to address before I go to work:

1) I cracked up when I saw my last message this morning. I have literally never used the phrase "hugs and kisses" in my life. I'm not sure what's happening. NyQuil?

2) I'm actually feeling pretty damn nervous. You are intimidating.

3) I felt sick yesterday, but I hope it's because I only got 4 hours of sleep Sunday night. I feel quite better this morning, but I will keep the Kiss Committee up to speed on that development.

Ramon

Ms. Dotson, it's my understanding you've made arrangments for the Kiss Committee to appear at your house at 6:30. The Committee will do their best to show up on time.

A copule of new developments:

1. My nearsighted vision (is that what it's called) is no longer working. I took medication for motion sickness and 1 of the side affects on the bottle was blurred vision. To give you an idea of how bad it is, I can't read what I'm writing right now even though I'm only a foot from the computer. I'm really hoping I can find your name in the calllbox.

My aim may be off tonight if the Kiss Committee decides to go through with the kiss.

There's nothing to worry about for tonight, it will be fun no matter what. If anything comes up then I will text you. You may have to come outside to get me. I'm high maintenance.

Excuse all the misspelled words, etc. I actually have a legitimate excuse right now.

Drew

Why on earth did you need motion sickness medicine? And do you really not know the difference between effect and affect?

Love, Drew

P.S. Should you even be driving?

Ramon

I can't see anything up close which basically only deals with reading.. I do know the difference between the two. I have a feeling that the kiss is off, isn't it? I noticed your last message only said 'love' instead of 'hugs and kisses'. Dang, I need to make up for this somehow.

Not sure if you are serious about the Motion Sickness question or not because I'm pretty sure we've discussed that before. I wear a patch that my doctor gave me to deal with motion sickness. The medicine from the patch lasts 72 hours even when I take the patch off. This is the first time I've used this patch. I didn't even realize it was a problem until this morning. I can't see me screen right now but while i was in Puerto Rico I had know problems reading all of your messages.

Hopefully my vision is a rsult of the patch and not something else. Sorta funny story, for 3 or 4 days Iin law school I lost all of my vision. I had to have people guide me around and take me to classes. I used to have a problem with concussions from playing sports. Lost my vision in law school from getting hit in the head during a game.

I'm sure my last message has no errors because I am so awesome.

You should feel really really sorry for me. I could use some sympathy hugs.

Drew

My initial reaction was that the kiss is on (although the line about the Committee "going through with it" made me feel very skeptical). However, I really, really like the line about you needing to make up for this somehow.

That being said, I am advocating for the kiss, but I also like the thought of you feeling like you're in the doghouse. So, consider the kiss on because it has been planned, but you do need to make up for whatever you're talking about.

The idea of a motion sickness patch is really manly. Do the damn patches come in a bottle? Because I'm pretty sure I just caught you in a lie. Of course I know about your motion sickness, Superman. I just didn't know why you would be taking medicine this morning, but the thought of these patches that come in a bottle makes more sense.

I'm pretty sure that all of your vision issues can be summed up in a common phrase: "Love is blind."

I also think that it will be good if the medicine is still working tonight. I'm pretty sure you're going to be on a roller coaster of emotions.

Ramon

Alright Dotson, I feel like I'm the nerd with glasses at the playground and you are messing with me. I don't understand what you are talking about with the bottle and the patch and me getting caught in a lie. Please explain. Just because you are cute and smart and overall awesome doesn't mean you can do and say what you want.

Aggg, it's messed up but I feel like I want to kiss you even more now. I would love to feel the affect of kissing you. I'm sure the kiss will be memorable and it will effect me for the rest of my life.

Drew

Earlier, the first time you incorrectly used affect instead of effect, you said that "1 of the side affects on the bottle was blurred vision." So I figured you'd taken some kind of pill. Then, when you said you took a patch, I was like patches don't come in bottles; they come in sleeves. (Are you afraid of what you're getting yourself into yet? TWSS.) If I am right in that you are a liar, you are in the doghouse x 2.

I will kiss you and you will deal with it.

Ugh, you really know how to push my buttons, Ramon.

Ramon

You realize it's killing me everytime I have to read something right?

The patch actually came in a small box. I lied to you about the bottle. Damn it. I was hoping you'd never find out about the patch/bottle/box situation.

I'm bringing the box tonight. I'm going to stick a bunch of them all over your body as we kiss. You're going to lose your vision and then you're gonig to think my kiss almost made you faint. Great plan Ramon, great plan.

It feels like we are in a real relationship. One minute things are good and the next minute I'm in the doghouse (x 2).

You have an edge to you today Dotson. I love it.

Drew

I know it's killing you for you to read, but sometimes we have to work for what we want. Ya know?

I knew I was right about the patch/bottle/box escapade. Nothing gets past me. Don't let it happen again. If you lied about something like that, what else might you lie about?

I think I might faint for the kiss anyway because I am truly dosed up on Sudafed.

You always have an edge to you, Ramon, and I hugs and kisses it.

Have you picked out your outfit?

Ramon

I'm going to go with something flashy. My goal is to wear as many designers as possible.

Gonna go with what I'm comfortable wearing. T-shirt (oh baby, what color? Decisions, Decisions), jeans. I'm really excited to see you tonight Dotson.

I'm a lucky guy. Right now life is good. Parents are well, I love my job, I have a roof over my head, great dog, and now I'm meeting an awesome chick AND I've already been promised a kiss. Love this.

Drew

Yeah, I'm torn between my shirt that says PRADA and the one that says JUICY. Either one matches my cut-off denim miniskirt that I expect will result in my flashing everyone when I'm giving a 65-year-old a lap dance. But, yeah, let me know when that dinner is with your colleagues.

I'm really excited. The only issue going on right now is the fact that apparently I sound bad because people at work have asked multiple times if I'm getting sick. So, your call on that. I really think you should take one for the team here. And then some Emergen-C.

Ramon

I'm not going to kiss you. Let's just shake hands.

Before you tell me I'm in the doghouse again I want to reiterate that I cannot see anything. I realize I said 'let's' instead of 'lets' so no need to bust my chops.

Damn, I'm becoming very defensive.

Drew

If you seriously just corrected your spelling into an error, I am going to laugh so hard.

Did the kiss get canceled? I need to know because it might change my outfit.

Ramon

What? How does your outfit change? Whether we kiss or shake hands your outfit can be the same. Explain this to me. fyi - i'm not addressing that previous comment. You know what I'm talking about.

I will kiss you if I want. You will just have to wait to find out.

god i did just correct it into an error.

Drew

You were right originally with the "let's" you bozo.

I know you've planned the kiss with a certain height in mind, and I could really, really jeopardize that with my shoe choice.

Ramon

I want to leave work and come see you now. Quit your job and meet me at your place.

Where whatever shoes you want. As long as you aren't wearing anything else I will manage.

damn. 'wear'

Drew

Are you drunk right now?

Ramon

If I was I know you would be jealous.

Drew

I do have a bottle of wine on my desk. I'm also on a call about medical and mechanical devices.

Now would be a good time to call you out earlier when you said "know" instead of "no." I think I learned the difference when I was 4.

Ramon

You are so damn cute. I can't take it anymore. Screw the handshake, I'm gonna kiss the hell out of you tonight.

Drew

Don't distract me while I am marketing legal services.

Shoes: decided.

Ramon

How do you feel about dinner? You okay with going to Vinings and finding a place there after we shake hands?

I'm in a weird mood. I should go home. Not being productive right now.

See you tonight Dotson. I'm out.

Drew

WTF?!

Ramon

???

Drew

I didn't answer your damn question about dinner and Vinings. I see how it is.

Ramon

Well?

Drew

You'll just have to see if it's okay or not.

Ramon

God I dig you. It's finally nice to talk to a girl with a brain in her head. I love the attitude also. I find it very attractive.

Drew

I will kick your butt if it's not okay.

Ramon

See Dotson, you just took it a step too far. Physical abuse is never appropriate.

Drew

I love bantering with you. Fun fact: I get the "Word of the Day" from Merriam-Webster, and I always delete it. I kept one, though, because it reminded me of you. Going to find it...

raillery\RAIL-uh-ree\

noun

1 :good-natured ridicule : banter

2 :jest

I am going to mess up this medical and mechanical device patent brochure. I am not paying any attention.

You think you can just walk out on me like that?

Ramon

Focus damn it. I will see you tonight. Wear the heels; I like looking a person in the eyes when I shake their hand...

Drew

You have your eyes open when you shake hands?

Ramon

No but I keep my eyes open when I kiss.

Drew

Good thing we're shaking hands.

Ramon

See you tonight cutie. I'm going to go hand out with my wife and kids before I leave to see you tonight.

I CAN'T SEE WHAT I'M TYPING

Drew

You're distributing wives and kids?

Or y'all are handing stuff out? Either way I'd love to meet them.

Don't lock your caps on me.

Ramon

Doghouse?

Close

Drew

x3

I get to fix a drink.

Ramon

Morning after Quiz:

1. Last night was: a) an awful night.

b) a normal night for me of hanging out with a random guy.

c) the best night of my frickin life.

2. Ramon is:

a) who is Ramon?

b) the coolest guy ever and I mean EVER

c) a pain in my butt because of all the 'clicking'

d) plain and boring, yawn.

3. I am hoping:

a) Ramon was serious about getting married for his citizenship because I'm totally in.

b) Ramon never calls me again, oh wait, he has never called me before.

c) Ramon asks me to hang out again soon.

p.s. you miss me.

Drew

My responses:

1. Last night was: A cross between c) the best night of my frickin life and d) rainy.

2. Ramon is: A cross between b) the coolest guy ever and I mean EVER and e) a sexy man with a face made of stone.

3. I am hoping: A cross between c) Ramon asks me to hang out again soon and d) a lot of other things.

I only have one question in response.

Drew...

a) has a crush on someone named Ramon.

b) is a US citizen.

c) loves coffee.

d) is very hot.

e) forgot to give you something last night.

f) wants a damn kiss.

g) likes when you smile.

h) drove to work today because it was raining.

i) got flowers from Ashton Kutcher.

j) wants to be in your arms.

k) ate fried chicken in the middle of the night

l) 's last name is Dotson.

m) would like to see you ASAP.

n) all of the above.

P.S. You are smitten.

Ramon

Smitten? Me? At any point last night did I have a look on my face that made you think I was smitten? I think you're in trouble and I think you know it. You are totally smitten. You're nuts about me. It's okay, just admit it.

I'm not sure what the answer is to your multiple choice question. I think I'm going to have to spend a lot more time with you (I mean a LOT more time with you) to figure out the answer.

Can I please see you tomorrow night?

Drew

When you didn't look miserable, I'd say you looked smitten. I'm pretty sure I've got this whole Ramon riddle solved. You accuse me of whatever you're feeling. It's pretty simple, actually.

The good news for you is that I find all of your pain-in-the-buttness and "mysteriousness" to be very attractive.

Did you drug me at any point last night? I feel really distracted by you. Come here.

(monotone) I would be elated to see you tomorrow night.